West Coast Mesh Fighter

After Thoughts: Stuck between two worlds living with Transvaginal Mesh

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A MUM claims she can feel her vaginal mesh implant cutting into her internal organs like a “cheese wire”. Susan Morgan, 60, said she has been left feeling suicidal at times due to the agony she’s suffered as a result of the surgery. The mum-of-two decided to have the op almost a decade ago so […]

via Mum-of-two with vaginal mesh implant can feel it CUTTING her internal organs like a ‘cheese wire’ — The Scottish Sun

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September 24, 2018

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September 23, 2018

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Hello Everyone and Welcome to Westcoastmeshfighter, stuck between two worlds living with a Transvaginal Mesh.  So much has happened in this year and coming into the last part of 2018, it’s hard to believe we are 3 months away till 2019.  I am extremely excited to share some really happy news, and also what I have been doing to deal with my own healthcare crisis.  I know I have a lot to cover so I am going to attempt to cover as much as I can and it may end up being broken up into several posts, so please bear with me.

Of course, I always post that I am not a licensed doctor, lawyer, etc.  I am a patient, everything I know is through experience.

Prelude:  First and foremost I have a lot to be thankful for, as we come into the 2018 holiday season, I see more often, families breaking apart because of Mesh Implant’s Serious and Severe complications.  Spouses have left thier partners, family’s have a hard time believing and understanding that what we face everyday is real and I have such a hard time understanding how family members could do this to someone they care about, leaving them virtually alone to cope & deal with it.

I am expressing my sincerest thanks, my family, friends, and every mesh patient who supports what I am doing.  I call it like I see it.  Most of these life threatening side effects don’t present until after you have had a mesh implant surgery, revisional surgery, and even full removal surgery.  Patients are still suffering the long term affects of having this complicated surgery.  As I look back to 2009 when I first was given this option, I truly believed my doctor was trying to help me, the problem was they believed the manufactures and was still pitching the surgery to patients without investigating further what this may do to a patient in anyway.  They are still being offered to patients today.  How can this be?  How is it this is happening?  ( we can come back to this at a later time)

I have to say a special Thank You to my family, friends, and Mesh Supporters, that supports my Entire family. (we are a family of 7).  I grew up with a lot of emotional and some physical stress and I did my best to not let it define me.  I used to feed into things, and somehow my Mesh Journey has brought me to a higher level of content, more aware in my own personal life, and seeing my kids going through thier young adult years.  Its already difficult raising kids in todays society, now that I am disabled, it’s put a large strain on my family, as it would to any mesh patient.  Marriage, children, & life.  How can a Mesh Implant do this??? ( Definitely need to come back to this).

Thank You!!For your Support

Update on Medical Status:  Recap – In January of 2018, I was diagnosed with a bacterial infection (unknown origin).  My symptoms were accelerated pain, multiple infections, antibiotics, at least 2 before my cruise, extreme fatigue, multiple doctor appointments, emergency room visits, it just seems to never end.  After the I got back from my 1st Mesh Retreat, Cruise to Ensenada, Mexico, I started to break out in Hives.  All the steps above repeated, however adding onto to this, New Pain Management Doctor, Allergist, along with updated labs etc.  I am still dealing with hives, however not as bad as before, they just slightly appear and disappear.   It’s has been such a challenge dealing with them.  It shows that I am becoming more immune to medications, diligence on my medical care is so important.

I am also currently trying new home remedies to help, oatmeal bath, (cool), homeopathic oils, relaxation techniques, and I will do another blog post on more specifics (so we can revisit this too).  I will also go more into my Emotional Therapy Journey and be able to discuss more personal situations, and how I am coping.  I can say from the bottom of my heart that I have experienced a lot of heart ache, not just by the medical industry, but personally too.

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Deb & I at the 2018 Mesh Retreat on the Carnival Cruise to Ensenada, Mexico

I had no idea what to expect once I arrived on our Mesh Retreat Cruise, (4/30 to 5/4, 2018).  It was better than I could have imagined, I was able to meet some pretty amazing, strong Ladies, everyone, has had a struggle with serious medical conditions, just like myself.  It was during this trip, the continuation of my purpose started to reveal itself, something I have been wanting to do for so long, and that is to help patients by way of either starting or becoming part of a Non-Profit.  I had no idea that by the end of the Cruise, the planning started.  With all I have endured, I know first hand just how hard days can become.  Patient support, better healthcare options, and aiming to have Mesh Implants Banned, not just here but hopefully world wide, as this has impacted 100,00’s of patients worldwide.

We are at a turning point in the what is being recognized as “The biggest Product Liability Scandal of our time” that has led to multi million and maybe being in excess of over a billion dollars related to Lawsuits file by patients against the manufacturers, having some Mesh Implants taken off the market, now that is publicly documented that the FDA’s 510k process is how they ended up on the market to begin with.  *NO HUMAN TESTING, Biofilms, Polypropylene Plastic Mesh Devices should never have been put in humans, told to me by my Urogynocologist that did my revisional surgery in 2013.  Sadly he couldn’t get it all out, so I still have some left inside.

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There is so much we still don’t know about the extent of damage these dangerous devices have & will continue to impact Patients, thier families, friends, & over the rest of thier life.  We are starting to see some of the lifetime medical hardships come to light, including death.

Having unreversable lifetime complications that are very aggressive and relentless has me looking foward.   I have seen already circulations by way of Social Media, that time to file claims for compensation from the Manufactures are slowly starting to close and so many patients who are, in my own opinion, are being robbed of their financial stability they once had before having the surgery.  It’s a very complicated process, so I always would recommend seeking legal counsel soon.

I have said this before in my prior posts, that yes I have gone through the settlement process.  I opted to participate and accept my settlement offered to me, as I was advised by my Attorney that I can accept or reject it.  Here is the thing, if I decline it, I would have had to find another attorney.  If anyone who has been through the judicial system knows, that a lot goes into just being involved in a lawsuit.  Also most are put into a category called “Class Action”.  This is not at all like a private case with your own counsel, where you can actually stand a chance to get a real amount for the life that was stolen away.  At that point, I was in a vulnerable place, not just emotionally & physically, but financially too.  I didn’t have long to decide either.  I had about 60 days and there were stipulations too.  I accepted, something in my gut just said do it.

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I knew that money was only a piece of this, what about what comes next?  This is the turning point I was referring to before.  I settled my case back in 2013, however I still have my current medical status working against me.  I then shifted my full focus to filing my permanent disability case, and just trying to cope with continued medical complications.  After 3 years of dealing with the disability court process, I finally was able to go to a Judge and present my case in person, with my Disability Attorney Representing Me,  (recommended), (June 2017).  I didn’t find out the answers until December of 2017, when my award letter arrived, fully and favorable Disabled.  My medical history, the complications, and so much more showed for itself.

As I start the next chapter in my Medical Mesh Journey, I am really hopeful and confident that positive measures can come from helping other patients who are suffering.

In a world that

I also have participated in a special project that right now I am on pin’s and needles about, but when I am able to post and discuss, I definitely will.  Life has an interesting way of showing you your strengths and weakness’s, but recognizing growth is important.  I know I want to make a difference and I can’t wait to share with everyone up and coming events in regards to Mesh Awareness Pacific.  Please go and check out our Facebook Page for up to date information on Our Non Profit.

I want to be clear on this, We, Deb and I, stand together with our Mesh Community around the world, medical professionals, & before long, we may be seeing more organizations coming out and with as many patients that are suffering right now, help is needed in any way.

We have heard that a misconception of what we are doing has been launched and I have to say that saddens me, because with all the suffering that is currently going on, why would anyone slander and Character Assassinate a mesh sister for wanting to help others.  In this world, Money will always have some sordov factor, that is just a fact.  Excepting things for free, that cost someone money out of thier own pocket, is wrong & then when your not directly involved, continuing to defame & slander/assassinating thier character, and just overall committing hate crimes is wrong, & something we will not tolerate. 

We stand with our mesh community, medical professionals that specialize in helping patients with Mesh, and with our Fellow Mesh Organizations Worldwide, there is so much help that is needed.  We are not divided like it’s been speculated and we only want to follow through with what we have started.

 

Thank you all so much for your continued love & support, I couldn’t do any of this without you all.  I will still being doing my blog, Facebook page, and My YouTube channel for Westcoastmeshfighter, however I am in the process of adding MAP to my Twitter and Instagram account.  I am really excited for what is to come and I know that together we will achieve our goals and help our Mesh Community.

MAP Executives: Deb is the President, Founder, and CEO & I am our Co-Founder, Secretary, Public Relations Representative, Graphic Designer & Senior Editor, etc.  All my graphics designs are Orginal to West Coast Mesh Fighter and now Mesh Awareness Pacific.  If anyone would like to use my graphic’s please contact me as some of them have a copywrite.

I am starting a Comic Strip Called the Adventures of Sox and Scout.  Its something I am doing on the side, I have always wanted to do one and we have 2 new additions to our family, Sox and Scout.  My daughter’s Cat Scout came from a litter next door and Sox just showed up on our front porch and I fell in love instantly, and so did my husband.  Please stay tuned for the launch date and publications.

Final Note:  In the beginning of the summer I announced that I would be doing a bracelet giveaway.  This just temporarily got postponed due to illness, however it’s back on and I will release how to qualify fairly soon.

Thank you all again so very much for your continued love & support, I can’t say this enough, please if you find yourself struggling, or know someone is, please feel free to reach out to me or Deb, We will do whatever we can to help.  Take care everyone and remember, we never know what tomorrow will bring, so please hug your loved ones, live life honestly, compassionately, and be there for each other. Unity is Power, Blessings and Love to everyone.

Michelle Hedgcoth, Founder for Westcoastmeshfighter,

Mesh Awareness Pacific: Co-Founder, Secretary, Public Relations Representative, Graphic Designer, Social Media Rep, & Senior Editor

 

 

 

 

 

Hello and Welcome to Afterthoughts for Westcoastmeshfighter, It’s my first blog post for 2018, and there is so much to share, however I wanted to say that my heart and prayers goes out to the victims and families of the school shooting, forgive me if this is wrong, however I think it’s Parkville, elementary out of Florida.  I am a parent and i just cannot imagine the pain, that is being felt, by students, and parents.

Welcome to Afterthoughts, stuck between two worlds living with a Transvaginal Mesh Implant.  A lot of my blog posts come after major things happen in our family, along with my medical condition.  I haven’t been feeling well lately and trying to do (what seems like a million) things to do.  Today I would like to talk about just dealing with feelings.

Growing up, I had a quiet life, almost like a small hometown feeling, growing up.  I can tell you that high school doesn’t even prepare anyone for how to deal with becoming disabled and now having to deal with your even more complicated life,  and how to help family & friends, understand what is going on and also when you are disabled, how to handle things and you find out who really is there and who isn’t.  Life has an interesting way of showing you.. it is sometimes good and sometimes really bad.

Of course all families, depending on your current circumstances, have to go through changes.  It was very dark & low time, and i do still have dark and low days, but it’s the high days that make it some what better.  1st I had to come to terms that a full removal surgery, most likely, won’t happen.  3 Urogynocologists have stated it’s to dangerous to get the rest out.  I have only had an revisional surgery in March of 2012.

What can i do?  Why is this happening to me.  I know this question and it’s the same one i have been asking myself since the mesh erosion and infections started back in 2010.  Emotionally, I am broken, afraid, unsure, etc.  These feelings are very hard to discuss with anyone, having to go through this and having to explain to your spouse, family, friends your disability, this can be even more emotional depending on where it’s located and how much damage the mesh did to the patient.  There are so many things to deal with, address, and execute,  living with a Transvaginal mesh implant.

The One thing I am focused on right now is emotional well being.  Having self goals is extremely important, and also the handling of anything, it has to be honest and understood.  So many times, we see people have their lives thrown into chaos, all because they became disabled.

This really hasn’t been easy on my family, I know that families have broken apart and patients have been left alone to deal with the mesh impacts, it’s heartbreaking.  Some days are easier than others, somehow I have learned how to cope and deal with all of this, while trying to raise teens.

I will be blogging more on these subjects through out my future blog posts.  What I wanted to share with you is how I was able to start pulling myself out of my mental state of mind.  I knew if I didn’t start to make changes, then my results in life would stay the same.  Why does it take so long to fix something that shattered my life in a matter of one day, one afternoon, it was the day of my original surgery.

The reason why I wanted to mention how family is affected because we lived it.  It’s a day to day lifestyle that can make or break the family.  One thing I have learned is forgiving is more important than being right.  Really because of the deep emotional impact this can have on a family, I will be the first to say, it’s not perfect.  Not even close, because we are now dealing with MOM (me), having limits, it can put pressure on your family, marriage, friends, it’s tough.. what can we do??

1st Breathe, it’s ok.  2nd there is no right or wrong, we all deal with a different set of dynamics. 3.  It’s ok to cry it out, sometimes that is what i have to do, i really haven’t been able to cry in recent days, i don’t know if it means that i am getting thicker skin or what but lately i haven’t been able to bring myself to the sensitive place i used to be.

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Life is always going to throw stones, this I have learned.  It’s rising above it all that is tough and through awareness and support is how I get through, my family that has stuck by me, my friends and all of my Mesh Community.  It’s so large now, that we never feel alone, (so grateful).  I know first hand what “alone” feels like.  It’s really hard to understand how we feel everyday, but we didn’t ask for this, we never asked for this kind of pain and neglect.

I know the more we share our stories, and help patients with mesh awareness, the bigger our voices can become to have Mesh Implants, banned worldwide… what a wonderful day this could be.  I am hopeful and will continue to fight everyday I can..

Thank you all for your support, for 2018 can be the beginning for Global Awareness that Mesh Implants are dangerous and should be banned worldwide…. until next time, please always know we are here, when ever someone needs us… M. Hedgcoth, westcoastmeshfighter.

 

Hello everyone and welcome to westcoastmeshfighter, Afterthoughts, stuck between two worlds living with a Transvaginal Mesh Implant.  This month is disabilities awareness month, I will add the links at the end of my blog, showing March & April causes coming up.  It’s hard to believe we are almost done with March and ready for April, time is flying by so fast.  I have so many idea’s that I want to touch on, but of course I have to put a disclaimer, I am not a doctor, medical or a legal representative, I am just a patient who lives and suffers with ongoing underlining complications, still living with mesh complications.  Sharing my experiences for the sole purpose to help support mesh patients & their loved ones.

Oh my gosh…. I have so much to share with all of you, the last couple of months have been really hectic, but we are getting our baring’s together in my camp.  I keep reminding myself, I can do this!!!  Without further do… I wanted to blog today about a couple of things, first I want to extend my thanks and gratitude to everyone who supports my Journey with my Blog.  For so long I felt alone in this battle with my Mesh Implant, until I met someone who inspired me to start this and sharing my Journey with all of you.  Most everyone knows just how amazing she is, I owe coming out of my social anxiety shell to her.. Mrs. Christina Lynn Brajcic, (Chrissy the Fab).  It has opened doors to meeting amazing Mesh Brothers and Sisters.

It was her inspiration & bravery to publically advocate for mesh patients that helped westcoastmeshfighter come to light.  Chrissy you are loved & missed so much.  Ok, wiping tears, I also wanted to Announce that pretty soon, I will be giving out some, One Of a Kind, westcoastmeshfighter support bands, with some other goodies.  I personally designed it myself and I am very happy with how it turned out and the hope is that it will help spread awareness and draw more attention to the Patients, what we go through everyday, it’s robbed people of their life, causing illness and even death.  It has also caused several patients to sadly end their own life.  Awareness is so important, Noone should feel alone and as long as I can & as best as I can, I plan to support all causes world wide regarding the dangers of Mesh Implants, and how it’s impacting patients.  Here is a sneak peek of the Bracelets…

I added a special message on the inside, not pictured is the other side says “we are stronger together”.  I will update everyone on when the giveaway will be and all the details.. I would also like to shine a light on some very amazing Mesh Warriors who have given me a lot of personal support.  You all give me drive everyday to motivate myself to rise above my challenges, because I know I can.  I wanted to shine this light because they have been such a huge support, not just to me, but to so many patients world wide.  I see it everyday I log on, they are always there.  Mrs. Debs Abra,  Mrs. Katie McLeod, & Mrs. Candia McCullough, with Mesh UK Awareness & Jane Akre with MESHNEWSDESK & there are so many more, personal friends like Molly Campagna, who comes when she can to have a coffee and a chat with me, and I just wanted to give u all a special light & Thank you all so much for your love and support, I couldn’t do any of this without you all.

As everyone knows I have been really sick, so I wanted to share some of the treatments that I have to do when i get sick like this, it has been so long.  (highlight of my condition) It started as a bacterial infection in my vaginal wall, (back in Nov of 2010), worst day of my life… it was discovered I had undissolved stiches in my vaginal wall.  My doctor removed it and applied something to help it heal.  Every 4 weeks or so a new infection, antibiotics, pain meds, rest…the worst part (mesh erosion), which was taken out in pieces from my vaginal wall, in a regular office environment with nothing for pain, other than pain killers by prescription, then it spirals to missed time from work (3 days or more with each incident and procedure), lucky for me i was a tenured employee at my company and had benefits like Private Insurance, FMLA, Medical Leave, Vacation, and Sick pay, which mostly went to missed time at work.  This lead to harassment at work, discrimination, loss of my position at work, embarrassment, to finally having to leave because this MESH disabled me permanently, my pain never stops.  Now I have colon issues, pain all the time all over my pelvic area into my left buttock cheek.  I felt like I was being punished for something I didn’t cause.  I started down a dark and despairing path which caused me to shut down completely.

I noticed something wasn’t right (downstairs), so I made an appointment with my Gyno. (bacterial infection), 1st antibiotic round 1/ then a few weeks later it spread to my sinuses started to act up and caused a major flu/cold and caused both of my ears to plug, doctor called in an antibiotic, started to feel better, then (BLAM), double ear infections and sinusitis, on antibiotic 3, crossing my fingers this works.. I am so tired.  Healthy food, fruits, vitamins, soup and rest.  Really going back to the basics of healthy, cleaning everything, and just fighting it back as best as i can. Going to the ER was a tough decision.  I have been working so hard to take care of myself, that i forgot (again), I am not superwoman… I also don’t like going because I become worried I may get an ER Doc that is afraid of the words “Mesh Implant”.  I have had it both ways, doctors who want to help and doctors who don’t.. I got lucky, this one listened to me,  treated me, & got me home so i can rest.  My mom suggested to me lemon water to help cleanse my system out..  We are almost out of the seasonal allergies season, so hopefully I can bounce back and start my pelvic floor exercises back up again.I DIDN'T KNOW UNTIL I TRIED

 

I am 36 days away from my very 1st cruise and there is so much to do still.  Looks like me getting sick kicked me back a lot, but I am going to keep fighting…

There is just one more thing I wanted to touch on, this needs to definitely be a topic amongst us and that is respect and proper edicate towards each other.  I have seen some very mean and hateful behavior online and I know I don’t stand alone when I say that it’s extremely inappropriate and it sends a bad outlook onto the mesh patients, advocates, that are trying to do good for others. Slander or attacking another mesh warrior isn’t ever ok.

We are all suffering in our own way, and I know there are a lot of mesh warriors that are doing well too, after a full mesh removal surgery and that is awesome, I would personally like to see more patients coming out and talking about their experiences.  It’s very frustrating enough to just deal with Mesh related problems, but attacking Mesh Warriors or anyone is not ok.  Please respect each other out there.  I truly believe we have a higher purpose to help others.  #wearestrongertogether.

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I have a lot of topics I want to cover, but I can’t get it all into one blog post, so there will be more to come.  Please, I welcome any questions, opinions, even ideas you would like me to check on regarding mesh.  (No Judging Here)

I am incredibly grateful to everyone who continues to support me on my Journey.  God Bless Everyone and until next time…Stay Strong Mesh Warriors.. M. Hedgcoth westcoastmeshfighter, Patient Advocate, Humanitarian, Mesh Warrior and Surviving…

 

 

 

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Hello and good evening everyone and welcome.  My Journey living with a Transvaginal Mesh has been life altering in so many ways.  It changes how you look at life, you see it in a different way than you did before, at least that is what is happening to me.  Just when I thought I had it all figured out, somehow I still needed to be challenged.  I have been so puzzled as to why, as I am sure most of you have too.  All of a sudden, everything changes, I am not sure I can put into words just how complicated things became in my already chaotic world of balance.  It threw everything off balance completely.

Now if you are a first time reader, let me the first to say Hello and Welcome.  I am so grateful that I can share my story for the sole benefit to help others who are struggling with a long term chronic conditions due to a mesh implant.  I always post a disclaimer indicating that I am not a doctor, nurse, lawyer or any medical professional on mesh implants, however I am a patient and my purpose is to help others cope with the Underlining conditions that come with having a Transvaginal Mesh Implant.  From mental illness, to physical in capabilities, to just having a bad day.  It’s so much more grander of a thing, than if you were healthy, could work, could sleep, could concentrate.

I am not sure if I am the only who see’s a major shift change going on globally, but it has me realizing that I only have one life to live, ill or not and it’s about time that I start living it.  Before my social security was approved, our family was barely making it and I am so grateful that we ended up being ok.  There is so much uncertainty with this, that life is too short to put life off anymore.

So with that said…. I was able to buy my car cash, and booked my 1st Cruise…

my girls with my car

It's my first cruise.....

I have the extraordinary opportunity to go on my 1st cruise to Baja Mexico/Ensenada/Catalina Island, and join Amazing Mesh Sisters ( & I can truly say that I still can’t believe it’s happening).  I am beyond humbled & excited, it’s the first trip my husband and I have been able to take in 4 years.  It’s been a hard few years, but this whole journey has shown me that life is definitely too short.  I am so happy that life is coming back and giving me purpose again.  I will be vlogging from the ship during parts of the trip, I am going to be trying out some new ways of relaxing on vacation & dealing with pain while on vacations.  There is so much to do to prepare for a trip like this, & I am already working on it.

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One of the greatest things through this whole journey since the mesh, has been all the unity with us Meshies.  It’s the ladies that I am joining, that have inspired me to tell my story, that it’s not impossible to rise up and fight back, patient rights, patient care, etc.  That is what we are doing with our Mesh Awareness Message, we are stronger together, I would never want anyone to feel as alone as I did.  You are not alone in this, we are united, a family.  I cannot wait to see what the future has to hold for me.  Dreams are not impossible…

These are some of the pictures that I found online… also there were times that my future in this life was uncertain, in a lot of ways it still is, but while I am living it.. I will no longer let it steal my joy.  Never give up on your dreams because you really never know what curveballs are thrown at you.

I can’t thank my family enough for the love and support.  I couldn’t have done any of this without you all, to my readers, and to everyone who gives me the inspiration to continue to blog and tell my story of living life, with a Transvaginal Mesh Implant.  Thank you all so much and until next time…

Michelle Hedgcoth, Co Founder of Westcoastmeshfighter

 

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Hello and welcome to westcoastmeshfighter, just like in previous posts, I always post a disclaimer that I am not a doctor, lawyers, etc..(caption in blog further down) I am a patient who lives with a Transvaginal Mesh Implant and sharing my life experiences for the sole benefit to help others who may be suffering silently, so no one feels alone in this.  I also want to say that I support all mesh groups, if I am not on your list yet, please send me a request.  I support global connections and there are so many of us out there and just helping someone cope with the horrific side effects is so important.

Also The Mesh Awareness Campaign and The Global Mesh Alliance, all mesh groups.  I have to say this about the different groups, the message is the same, Mesh Implants are dangerous and people are losing their lives, every week I am reading or hearing someone is in the hospital, and their symptoms worsened after their mesh implant history starts to take it’s toll, the side effects are a long list of horrible symptoms and sometimes unbearable symptoms that hospitalizes us.

It’s a beautiful thing to see such unity between us all, the love, support, and care, It’s Amazing.  I am so very happy and grateful that I am a part of it.  Thank you all truely from the bottom of my heart.

This post is a lot longer than I normally do, however I haven’t blogged in over a month or so and I have been dealing with so much, I knew it was time..  Grab a snack or your favorite drink of choice, and bear with me and Please join me by reading my blog and any feedback or questions, please feel free to comment below and I will do my best to find the answers to help you.   Here we go….

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It’s hard to believe it’s already 2018 and almost half way through January.  I am not sure why, but to me, it seems time is flying by way to fast and I struggle to keep up with it.  I have a long list of things to do and even if I get 1 or 2 tasks done, I am exhausted and feel so tired and fatigued.  It feels like life is in fast forward mode and I just want to rest all the time.  I forgot about an important doctor appointment yesterday, calling tomorrow to apologize and reschedule he day before I received my reminder call, I remembered it.

Even with my efforts to keep a organized calendar, I am forgetting that too now.  It’s dealing with things like this  and maybe if I can remember, I plan to mention it to my doctor on my next appointment, my husband is also going to talk to the doctor, so we can go over my new symptoms and start working on that.  I am trying not to let that weigh too much on my mind.FontCandy (8)How days seems like minutes and my pain continues to increase and my medicine pill count has increased to 19 pills a day.  I take, morning pills, around dinner time and then again at bed time.  I can tell you that everyday is a different one, nothing ever is repetitive and it’s frustrating because I can never plan a day out completely, because I never know what level of pain I am going to have.  I also am on medication that I take as needed.

Lately my muscles and nerves hurt so badly, I have been spending nearly everyday in bed.  Also going completely organic, gluten free, low carb diet has my system confused, but I know as I keep at it, my stomach will get used to it.  Back before my surgery in 2009, I drank coffee all day long, just to keep up with my lifestyle.  I worked full time 40 hrs a week, plus raising kids, I was always busy.

Sadly, the new car I had financed on my own, repossessed, the home I was renting, I had to move from (owners sold), so around the time I had to leave my company, voluntarily resigned due to state law of running out of California FMLA time accumulated with the company.  It seemed like a life snowball effect, one after the other, non stop, until I found my family in trouble financially.  What amazes me is some of the hardest lessons I learned I learned in the last 3 years.  I developed a very bad social anxiety disorder during this time and became extremely depressed beyond anything I thought I would ever face in my life.

Update:  Social Security status… Blog Graphic WCMF FD

I normally wouldn’t even talk about this subject in this detail, because of how delicate these cases can be, especially for those that are going through the social security process. Everyone’s case is unique, I didn’t know what I was doing, and I almost missed my appeal deadline with social security.  If you don’t know what you should be doing to qualify for money you may have paid into the system, social security, you could lose possibly your opportunity for benefits, not just for you but for your family too.  Otherwise you may have to refile.  I fully recommend speaking to & retaining a lawyer if you have been denied and you have a doctor backing you up, that is so important.  Get your attorney right after your 1st denial and expect at least a denial on appeal, a Administrative Law Judge may grant you a hearing.  After, it can take (varies county to county, and state to state), 6-12 months to hear the decision.  This is what I know…

I received my award letter about 5 months after my hearing.

I started my social security application process in the beginning of 2015, I was denied the first time, so I appealed and hired a lawyer, the appeal also came back denied, we requested a hearing with a Administrative Law Judge.  It took 2 years and 2 months to get my hearing.  I wasn’t nervous during my hearing, I answered the questions truthfully and left somewhat confused with no answers.  Then my award letter arrived in December, I will never forget the feeling of knowing finally I can care for my children again without feeling like I can’t. 

I talked with my attorney after my hearing and he said to me, because of my age (42 yrs), I am young, and my education past high school, (I have two college degrees), it could possibly cause a denial.  Somehow I still didn’t feel any better, maybe a little worse.  I told myself.. nothing you can do now but wait and pray, for guidance, for help with all of it.  I gave it all to God and 7 months later, my award letter arrived, just weeks before Christmas.  The feeling was nothing I had ever felt before, peace.  Gratitude, all I can say right now, is Thank you, I am so grateful for the blessings for my family.  I was able to give my children a wonderful Christmas for the first time in years.

Anyone who says that money isn’t important is wrong.  It takes money to live and survive.  The amount of money you get every month doesn’t come close to living a comfortable life.  It’s used for housing, food, etc.  However, it’s the ability to take care of yourself, and your family in this modern world we live in.  The cost of things continue to rise, it’s becoming harder and harder to live.  Change has to come if you are to just survive and any time you feel confused, don’t panic, it’s a natural feeling, most of us have never dealt with anything like this before and never thought we would have to make such serious decisions regarding our health and our life.

Everything I know, I learned through experience.

I cannot stress this enough, make sure all your medical questions are answered by your primary doctor and also make sure that your doctors are all talking to each other regarding your medical status.  I knew that there are things I may never know in my lifetime.  That the chances for any cure/or full mesh removal surgery are not available for me.  There are questions that I will never get answered and I have come to terms with it, because it’s in an area that isn’t something you feel comfortable even talking about it.

Everyday I had to just go on trying to rise above the monthly challenges of being on public assistance to support my family, after I swore I would never do just that.  What was interesting now, is that, somehow I felt ashamed.  Here I was standing, in the Welfare line with an application request for Food Stamps, and Medical for me and my family, as I lost my health insurance after my last day of employment at the end of September of 2014.  I later had to add Cash Aid.  I have found that Procrastination is a form of avoidance/within depression, in a way that impacts ones life and as such can be viewed as a way of coping under high levels of stress.

Only after I had used all my state disability, and I missed my appeal time for my benefit through prudential insurance.  I had long term disability benefits from my job, but I let my depression cause such procrastination issues that it caused more stress, this was on my own part I guess, I missed my deadline to get the doctor certification done and prudential insurance closed my claim and they stopped my benefits.  I was fully disabled, but I was in a very vulnerable state.  I am dealing with all my medical conditions from the Mesh, with a new medical insurance, new doctors, and struggling to get fair medical care, trying to remain strong for my family, and so much more.  Just not wanting to do it became the normal for me.  Also, My alternative source of income was my daughters child support and once I started receiving cash aid, all my child support went to the state and I only received $50 a month.  It was a very confusing time for everyone, and my depression just worsened from there.

My mesh side effects has really been hard on my family, I really didn’t know what I was dealing with regarding my physical mesh injuries, even now, I don’t completly know what I am living with, chronic pain really limits what I can do and right now, even where I go.  Being in public, it can be overwhelming, just going grocery shopping can give me stress.  I also went through, yet again, a second custody hearing regarding my son’s, 1st one was in June of 2004, while our divorce became final.

My older boys’ father filed and also a separate hearing was held regarding child support for the boys, regarding a $150 a month CS order for his father to pay me every month,   Judge ordered this back in 2004, $150 a month.  I put in a request for that case to be closed back in 2004, because I let my ex husband talk me into it.  Once that happened I thought ok, done.  Then I was told that the old case had been reopened by the state.  There was a hearing for that and because I wasn’t contesting child support, I didn’t go.  However I still had shared custody legal/physical.

I filed for cash aid, (welfare), the state trys to figure out how to recoup the money I receive for the kids & myself every month, while all this is on, I am going through the long social security process.  The judge that handled our Original divorce case was the same one that had done our divorce in 2004 and choose not to change the custody order, even said if he wanted to come back in 6 months she would relook at it, but felt there was no reason to change it and kept it at 50/50 shared legal and physical custody.  I feel like I won again and already all of this has been a big adjustment on us all.  (future blog for complete update on family dynamics and how mesh has really affected it).

Fast Forward to now.. thoughts and reflections on 2017

2017 was a very emotionally involved year for our family.  I know for those of us who are active on social media for mesh groups and conversations I have seen in 2017 the loss of life has increased.  It saddens me because there is suffering going on.  We must take a stand and say no to mesh.

I lost 4 family members, I say family members because they are, (3) not mesh related, but very close to me.  Two of my cousins, John Aguilar, he was like a big brother, I grew up with him. The second cousin was married to one of my cousins, but I have known her since my late teen years, our family is close.   A close family friend, who had in the recent years became close to our family, along with his sisters, Christina and Kayla.  His name is Nicholas too, he passed away by getting hit by a car, around 10:30pm at night while riding his bike in the crosswalk, it’s right at the intersection of a busy area of town.  These passing’s sadly happened back to back, one month after another and then one of the biggest heartbreaks was at the end of the year losing one of our Greatest Mesh Awareness Warrior, and part of our mesh family/community, Christina Lynn Brajcic (Chrissy TheFab).

The moment I saw the first post about it, I started crying uncontrollably, I just talked to her not that long before that.  Just when I thought ok, 2017 can we be done, and then my son was hospitalized with kidney problems and now he is under medical care with kidney specialist and has to have a Kidney Transplant it could be in a year, maybe two.  We are waiting on a referral sent in for a kidney biopsy, as soon as we know more, I will update everyone.  With this going on, My oldest son Kenny, has moved back in with me, as we approach the next steps on this journey.

Christina Brajcic has inspired so many mesh patients, including myself.  Her courage to tell her story was the inspiration for me to start to talk about my mesh medical condition through my blog, YouTube, social media and I know she inspired so many on facing living with these side effects.  Her medical status spoke volumes as we watched live streams videos.  She never quit and I hold onto that everyday when I want to tell myself I can’t, I think of Christina and so many other mesh fighters I talk with and have been getting to know.   I know I can’t quit, I won’t stop raising awareness and will continue sharing my experiences. There could be others who have similar experiences and can also help me too.mesh warrior christina blog graphic

I slowly started to come out of my shell I had emotionally trapped myself in.  I knew if I didn’t make self changes than I could expect nothing to change.  I just started to change how I see things, react, and started slowly re introducing myself back into certain places that could possibly trigger an anxiety attack, just to see if I could get through without one.  Some worked and some didn’t.  I still have a lot of anxiety, and suffered anxiety attacks in some public places.  I never go anywhere alone, and I knew something has to change.  I am not a quitter, and I want to have some quality of life and enjoy it with my family.

My family went from barely making it, to, we are going to be ok now

I can understand really what it’s like to struggle.  Some Doctors look at us like liars, as drug seekers, even denying us proper healthcare  to manage all of the side effects.  I had family that believed nothing was even wrong with me, that hurt, confusion with doctors trying to treat my symptoms.   I go to the hospital more often because of chronic pelvic pain, infections, iv antibiotics and severe rectal pain.  I know that firing my previous medical team and trusting my gut was the best “decision” I ever made regarding my health and medical status.

I had to take control of my life again and after everything I have been through, I am so humbled, grateful, and blessed.  Blessings to everyone and Until Next time… stay safe, my thoughts and prayers are with everyone and to the California Residents affected with the mudslides, fires, and floods.

Michelle Hedgcoth, Co Founder of Westcoastmeshfighter, advocate for patients, family that are fighting everyday, living with a mesh implant.

#wearestrongertogether, #meshawareness, #westcoastmeshfighter

 

Hello and welcome to afterthoughts, stuck between two worlds living with a Transvaginal Mesh Implant.  Tonight I wanted to blog about emotions.  I know the last couple of blogs have touched on emotions that I deal with regularly.  It’s no secret by now that I suffer from Depression & Anxiety, I am not ashamed to say it, it’s a serious condition I thought I was immune to.  It’s very hard just to say it out loud, which I almost never do, however I have learned so much in this journey I am on and have seen so much awareness on mental health.  This last year was an emotional one for sure… Reflections on yesterday, healthy or not???

Below is my Disclosure:

Mental Health is a very serious condition that affects so many of us.  I was shocked to see just how bad it really is. 

Approximately 1 in 5 adults in the U.S.—43.8 million, or 18.5%—experiences mental illness in a given year.1
Approximately 1 in 25 adults in the U.S.—9.8 million, or 4.0%—experiences a serious mental illness in a given year that substantially interferes with or limits one or more major life activities.2
Approximately 1 in 5 youth aged 13–18 (21.4%) experiences a severe mental disorder at some point during their life. For children aged 8–15, the estimate is 13%.

Ref:  https://www.nami.org/Learn-More/Mental-Health-By-the-Numbers

Reflections is something that I really don’t look forward to doing, but what I get out of it is relooking at a particular situation or event that occurred this last year, 2017 and what have I learned from it.  I find it relaxing to reflect on whatever comes to mind and I have been doing this just the last couple years, I hear all the time.. “oh this happened to me”, but rarely do I hear what happened next, what was the lesson.  Most of the time, I don’t see any change at all, just the same things over & over, and expecting different results.  In order to really see changes in your life, you must make changes within yourself.  I don’t mean, change who you are, because that is who you are right?

accept-what-is-let-go-what-was-have-faith-in-what-will-be

At first I was angry, because I felt like I was attacked personally, emotionally, & in some situations, yes I was.  The big lesson for me was self work, there were some real scary reactions in a stressful situation or environment that would cause anxiety, panic attacks .  I really think that emotionally, you need to be in a healthy place in order to cope and deal with the issues right in front of you.  I definitely understand that most of us cannot do anything to change our current circumstances.  I really think the key is thinking way ahead of the possible outcomes and make a conscious decision that is best for your life. … I want to stress this part… MAKE A CONSCIOUS DECISION THAT IS BEST FOR YOUR LIFE

This last year, 2017, has been such a complicated year for me.  At the beginning of the year, I had no idea how things would turn out for me and my family.  Having a Transvaginal Mesh Implant has put strain on my family, my over all life, and looking back at this last year, there were a lot of lows and some high’s.  To protect the integrity of myself and my family, I try not to get too much into personal things. I lost 3 people just in a 3 month time frame, it’s been a rough year for sure.   Understanding that everyone copes differently, for some it’s easy to deal with it and sort it out and for others it’s not so easy. ( me)

 

Hard and difficult questions have to be asked to yourself and really this can apply to just about anything you are going through in your life.  It’s not the questions though that is hard, it’s executing the changes and actually living by it.  For some reason this really can be the hardest part of the process.  Instead of fearing the outcome and all the what if’s, I try not to think about it.  It’s really different trying not to worry so much cause that is what I am used to doing.

Anxiety:   feels like someone is stopping my airflow and my heart rate starts to accelerate, all of a sudden I can barely move, think, it’s very hard to concentrate on anything in particular. 

There have been things told to me, cruel and untrue statements said regarding my medical conditions, and myself and I was so shocked at what I was being told, that I am on some sort of drug, that are not prescribed by doctors, (the illegal kind) and that I am such a bad mother, all because this medical device just happen to not work out in my favor.  When I worked I lived pretty comfortably, however after losing my employment because of this, our family has struggled.  I couldn’t believe it at first, then the more I heard, the more I understood exactly who they were becoming and all I could think about was, “I hope I don’t end up like them”.

Having Certain Medical Conditions that disabled you , doesn’t make you a bad person/parent, if you are struggling financially, that doesn’t make you a bad person/parent, just because you can no longer work because of a medical condition, that doesn’t make you a bad person/parent.  This can happen to anyone, at anytime, no one is exempt.  #endthestigma

 

Here is the thing.. I lost everything I had worked for.. my career, my car, my independence, and most of all, reasonable access to my older kids.  What bothers me the most is how much negativity my kids have had to endure and go through because of this.  It rips into your heart knowing there isn’t anything you can do right now.  I know that it will just make them stronger adults when they have to face situations, and no child should have to suffer or be made to feel like they are nothing, because one of their parents cannot work anymore and they have to endure more responsibility because of it.  I used to let those things bother me, but it’s really nothing to me, I just become really protective when it comes to my kids, like any mother would.  I have direct contact with my kids and nothing is permanent meaning and having shared custody allows this flexibility… I will be able to see my kids this Christmas and I can’t wait.

 

Going into 2018, I have a better idea about my life and where I want it to go.  I also have emotionally dealt with so many things, that I finally feel like things are very possible now.

It’s such a hard thing, to deal with this alone, & how it’s impacted my family too and my friends.  I know there are patients out there that suffer alone, feel alone, even if they have family or friends.  It’s a horrible way to feel everyday and there are resources available.   Don’t let the depression run your life, I did for a while and even though it took time to find clarity, I was patient and waited for it to reveal itself.  The clarity is how I want to live, my choices, and not allowing the worry to run me into the ground.  It’s a hard challenge because I am such a control freak, I guess, my husband and kids swear I have OCD.

I am so incredibly grateful to my patient therapist, without that, I probably would still be emotionally stuck.  I have been going now almost 2 years and it’s one of the best decisions I ever made.  In fact, that was my first step to reclaiming my life back.  It’s taken close to 2 years just to get where I am.  New Team of doctors, New case manager with health insurance, and trying to minimize the amount of stress around me.

One thing I want to stress is that Mental Illness isn’t like a cold or an injury that will go away.  You can learn to cope and live (from what I have read) almost a normal life.  I take it as ok or if your depression came from your physical disability for life.. it will never go away, but possible suppressed for small moments, especially if it’s like mine (brought on by my TVM side effects), the daily challenges that I face because of it.  You can live with it, treatment is really important in having any quality of life emotionally.  It’s been a long 7 years and going through dealing with it all.  I know life will always through curve balls at me, however I will never allow it to dim my light.

I want to end with some positive information.  Talking about mental illness is really stressful, however I just want my readers to know how much I appreciate you all.  It means so much to me just knowing that you read my pieces I put out and took something positive away with you.  I am incredibly grateful for all the blessings for my family and if this grows into something bigger that would be amazing.  Getting the awareness out there is the main goal.  This is just one part of the all the conditions & complications that come with a mesh implant defect.

Thank you all once again, if you or anyone you know suffers from mental illness, seek a professional medical doctor right away.  It only take one call to save a life.  God Bless you all and have a great week, until next time.. stay strong, surround yourself with as much positive as you can, and hug your loved ones, reconnect with family and friends slowly.  Everything takes time..

Michelle Hedgcoth, Co founder of WCMF, Patient Advocate & Humanitarian

 

fallwcmfHello and Welcome to Afterthoughts for Westcoastmeshfighter.  Fall is really here and it’s definitely my favorite time of year.  I have been posting a disclaimer indicating that I am not a lawyer, doctor, or a medical professional in regards to Mesh Implants.  I am a patient who lives with part of a Transvaginal Mesh Implant and my blog is to tell my story, daily life living with a TVM.

 

Since my last blog, so much has happened.  I am really overwhelmed with gratitude, just so overwhelmed and although I cannot say why just yet, I want everyone reading this to know that if you live by truth, it really has an overwhelming feeling that cannot be described with the outcomes.  I wish I could say that I am getting a surgery that will take away all the damage that the mesh implant left, but unfortunately it’s looking more and more that surgery isn’t an option.

I am happy to report that my medical team is amazing and finally I feel like doctors care, care about me and what is happening to me.  This December it will be a year and a half since I fired my last team of doctors and started over.  I knew it was a risk considering what was happening to me at the time, I knew what my old team of doctors where doing was wrong and after 3 years of nothing but excuses, no care, and lack of proper pain management.  I knew if I was going to really deal with it all, come out of this with some quality of life and what I needed to do is really take a little while, think about my injuries, where most of my pain was coming from, then outline a possible way to start to live again.

Life will challenge you, trust in your Journey

I wonder really “is it happening, it is? and then I say to myself “you are ok, your going to be ok, put on your big girl crown and fight back”.  Considering I have been fighting this whole time, fighting for my kids, fighting for my independence, fighting lack of care, emotional and physical care for my life”, critics who don’t believe there is anything wrong with me.  When I say life, I mean life as I knew it, the life I was living before the mesh implant came in and changed everything.  Being able to hold a job without mesh interfering and jeopardizing my career, that I almost lost myself and it’s been said over and over, “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”, I believe that.

Picking & Choosing your Battles:

It’s very difficult to pick and choose your battles, when you have so many going on at once.  The year 2013, my Mesh Complications were beating me, in my workplace, at home with doctor care, and emotionally I was lost.  It may not seem like such a bad thing when you say, “I have pain in my right abdominal area” and it was so bad I had multiple trips to the Emergency Room, emergency room tests done, given pain medication and sent home.  I thought then, what am I going to do?  There were no answers or the answers were maybe it’s a cyst on your ovary, maybe it’s constipation, at the time, opioid induced constipation didn’t really occur to the doctors, I was advised to take over the counter laxatives to deal with it.   That too was a nightmare… either it didn’t work or it gave me extreme diarrhea and all the while still, taking opioid medication, extreme pelvic pain, pain meds, take over the counter meds, became a regular thing.

Then in September of 2014, after I caught up all my bills, my landlords decided they wanted to sell the house I was renting from them.  I was given the notice during a Full Rent Payment transaction between me and the female landlord, the day after my birthday, September 5th, 2014.  I knew I couldn’t live there very much longer anyways, the rent was too high, and by this time I had burned through all my savings, my entire tax return, and all of my small settlement, I was trying to hang onto the life I had worked so hard to create.  To make matters worse, I was out of fmla/medical leave state mandated time of 52 weeks of time off from work, September 30th 2013 was my last official day.  (my employment and what happened during the course of the last 3 years of my career, I will talk about in an upcoming blog).  One more thing, there is the custody court hearing with my son’s father that I still hadn’t gone to court for yet, that happened in December of 2013.  (I won)

At this point, I think that is when things really started to become a reality for me.  I completely shut down.  It was like I was having an out of body experience like what?? How is this happening, why?? 2013 and 2014 was just utter chaos, just what next, and it was like each let down was one upping the one before.  I literally just watched everything I worked for, just vanish, like it all never happened and It felt like a harder punch in the stomach with each thing that happened, and If you could believe this, earlier in February of 2013, I was engaged and just days before valentines day, after a turbulent, abusive, 3 year relationship, he called off the engagement and we called it quits for good.  For me, he did me a big favor breaking it off.  I knew deep down, I could never be happy with someone like him, he was just really immature and had a really bad anger problem.  I cut off all ties and had to block him on social media due to harassing messages.  It wasn’t until later that year, I met, and started dating my husband (Engaged on Valentines day, a year later February 14th 2014, we married in June of 2014, with all our kids and family there) , by some natural shift in my life, he and I met by chance.

My husband and I faced the challenges together, we have talked about it, what the complications could mean.  Now we roll with the punches, if anything, this has made me a stronger person, made us both stronger.  I pick & choose my battles, if I know it will cause anything negative, I just try to let it go, if I have learned anything through this experience it’s to be authentic, be yourself, & most importantly, learn how to love yourself.  Understand what is going on with you, don’t give up trying to get proper medical care, if something isn’t working change it and don’t be afraid to.  Once I understood my symptoms, I knew what kind of treatment was needed, then I went to work on my care.  The world is becoming more and more aware of the dangers of a Mesh Implant, what kind of physical and emotional damage it can do to a person.

I lost my career, what my life once was, because of a Transvaginal Mesh Implant, now I am learning to live again slowly, it takes time, and even with all my non believer critic’s, that doesn’t bother me so much anymore, I know what is really going on with me.  2017 has been one of the hardest years, I lost 3 people, family, and although the beginning of this year started out really rough, it’s ending on a high note.. a really big one.  God Bless you all this Thanksgiving, I am so incredibly grateful to my family.  Happy Thanks giving..

Michelle Hedgcoth, co founder of westcoastmeshfighter, advocate and humanitarian.

 

picturetopeople.org-WESTCOASTMESHFIGHTER

Good evening/morning and welcome to my blog.  For those of you who are new to my blog, I welcome you.  If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe and read my past blog posts.  I blog about the trials and tribulations of living with a transvaginal mesh implant.

This evening I wanted to blog “a little bit” about how this whole thing, TVM, has impacted my family dynamics.  It’s been a long rough road and I am forever grateful to our loved ones for supporting us through this difficult time our family continues to go through.  We wouldn’t be where we are without them, we are very humbled and blessed.  Because our children are older, they really understand what is happening with me and that I cannot do the things I used to.  It took a long while for everything to start to fall into place and in this blog post, I will talk about real situations that happened in my family and to me.  (FYI: it’s quite a long blog, please take some time, grab a warm cup of your drink of choice and I hope you enjoy).

 

In recent blog posts, I post my disclaimer pictured above explaining that I am not a doctor, lawyer, or a licensed professional regarding the transvaginal mesh implant, I am a patient who advocates for patients, their families, in the hope that it helps our mesh community on their life journey.  I share real stories of my own experiences living with a Transvaginal mesh implant and isn’t easy at all to deal with.  Since having the TVM in 2009, I have had quite the Journey up until now.

When I started to have complications I was working full time trying to do that, be a full time mother, and dealing with the constant infections for almost a year due to mesh erosion.  This happens when the mesh starts to push it’s way through the lower part of your vaginal wall and having to get a new antibiotic prescription every 4-6 weeks.  I became immune to all antibiotics with cillin’s in it.  That is Penicillin, Amoxicillin, really anything in this family, it caused major hive outbreaks and my throat started to close up and suffocate me.  I was hospitalized several times for this and at one point I had hives from head to toe and it was miserable, so please be careful when dealing with medications and know your allergies, this information is really important if you ever need to go to the hospital, take a file with you, that has all of your medical info in it, sometimes you may get a really great ER doctor that will try to help you.

Time is Precious social media graphic

One of the many challenges our family has had to face is that we are a blended family, with that comes what I like to call the “EX Factor”.  What that means is that we have kids with other parents and juggling it all has been really difficult on my family.

Recently, my son’s moved with their father about 30 minutes from me.  They are older, 20 and 17, and  I know that their opportunities for working towards a better future are better off over there where they are, however it seems with a big breakdown in communication with the other parent for the last couple of years, there are a few things that seem to be incorrect regarding me and I want to clarify them.  I haven’t had a vehicle to drive to be able to see my kids and the other parent was giving my kids a hard time about bringing them to see me.  I recognized immediately that if the roles were reversed I would take them to see their dad, however not everyone has a heart.  It’s really hard because I miss them so much,  they both have jobs and my middle son has two jobs and goes to high school.  Normally I wouldn’t even give this any of my energy,  however I know it isn’t right to our kids, when a parent speaks ill of the other parent to the kids, it can really create a parent alienation situation, which had happened to me.

Insert:  I have shared custody of my son’s, I worked my entire life, I paid all their insurance premiums, soccer mom, football mom, baseball mom, bowling mom, all of it and at the time I started to have a lot of complications they were both still under aged.  The other parent tried to take our son’s away because he didn’t agree of my medical decisions.  (note to self:  Don’t tell your ex anything about your personal life directly, divorce is divorce).  I ended up going to court to fight for my kids and WON.  The judge (who did our divorce and custody over 10 years ago),  saw that over 10 years of co parenting without any issues and she felt there wasn’t any reason to change things, and she also told the other parent that he should encourage a healthy relationship between me and my son’s.  Of course, here we are and they think they have custody, just because they are staying there doesn’t automatically give you anything.. oh geez, so at this point he can go right on ahead and think what they want, (check the court order)  I don’t care, because I know the truth and I encouraged my kids to just let it go, it’s not important.  They are older and need to stay focused on their life goals, instead of being yelled at and belittled, and to just work hard it will all be OK.  They should have encouragement, and support emotionally and not worry about the ones who like to stir pots, spread lies, they should definitely lick the spoon for sure.  Love that quote:  There is nothing that can keep my son’s from me, it’s a strong bond that will last forever.  I am their mother and nothing can break that bond…. Ok so moving on now.. lol.  

In September of 2013, I had just lost my employment, (ran out of FMLA) and although I had spent over 8 years working towards a career in collections, my employer was AT WILL (like most in California), meaning they can let you go if they want, if you run out of state mandated time off and they did, with rehire options if a doctor ever released me to go back to work.  Like so many before me, it was my turn to say Goodbye to my company and I was moving out of my house in the town I lived in at the same time (our landlords decided to sell their home, so we were given sufficient notice (4 months), then a month later the court with the ex (read insert above), and just after Christmas our family moved in with friends and we were essentially without a home for about 6 weeks.

What I wanted to say is that just because you go through financial hardships it doesn’t make you a bad parent or a liar, (which has been said about me).  It felt like a personal attack against me as a mother without any regard for what I and the kids face handling this.  It’s just really irresponsible so if you find yourself dealing with the same things, don’t stop fighting, and don’t let the other parent intimidate you into believing you are a bad parent because you became disabled because you are not.  It definitely says a lot about the other parent not really knowing the full scope but if they are apprehensive, it’s ok, you don’t really have to tell them anything.  (HIPPA RIGHTS).

I also was trying out cannabis to help with sleeping problems.  My doctor at the time, wanted me to take Valium, along with all the other pills I was on, my husband insisted not doing it.  It was clear the amount of meds I was on at the time were a really dangerous mix which included muscle relaxers and opioids to help with the chronic pain I was experiencing after a failed Pelvic Botox Treatment I had in August of 2013. (I will talk more about my Emergency Room visits that will explain my abdominal issues, diagnoses’ and treatment plans in future blogs).  Everything happened so quickly, it was so overwhelming.

We have been here for almost 3 years now, we live in a small place but cozy and our family is all together again.  My son’s were just here to celebrate their sisters birthday and everything (I hate to say perfect), but it was.  We had all 5 of our kids under one roof for the first time in 3 years.  I can’t express enough how much love can fill a room until you see all your children together.  I also am lucky to have my husband, and my parents and family from both of our sides, we are truly humbled and blessed to have your support.

At the beginning of the year I always do this one thing, and I know, call me superstitious, however I look over my horoscope for the year and it did reveal that at the end of this year major changes are coming for the good.  So far in the last couple of months, it’s all coming true and I will get into more of that in future blogs.  One thing I have learned is to roll with the punches, because they are going to come regardless and it’s how we handle ourselves that can really define and show true authentic character.

This experience of living with TVM side effects has really opened my mind up and has me really looking at life from a new perspective.  I know this is going to be challenging and I am really ok with it all now.  It took time, but slowly I am able to start preparing for a new chapter and that is living life now.  Until next time…. thank you for reading and please if you like what I am doing, I would love to hear from you.  Comment share and questions.. I will do the best I can to find answers for you and don’t forget about all the social media sites, I will be hopefully updating all of them by the weekend and more blogs are coming….so much has happened in the last couple of weeks alone and I cannot wait to share it all with you.  Thank you all so much for your support!

Michelle Hedgcoth, Co-Founder to westcoastmeshfighter, advocate & humanitarian for patients, family and friends of those who suffer and living everyday with mesh related illnesses and struggles, for the sole purpose to help those in need.  Thank you all.  Goodnight.

 

 

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