Hello and welcome to Afterthoughts, Good Evening/Morning to you, thank you for stopping by for a inspirational Sundays and Small Talk. Today I would like to highlight and talk about Distractions and how they have been involved and will continue to be, with my journey since I had my TVM. I just would like to say that I am not a Doctor or any licensed medical professional and that I am a Patient, Advocate, and Humanitarian. My blog posts are for the sole purpose to support and Advocate for patients and the medical care we should be receiving, for family and friends because of a faulty medical mesh device.
There has been some major medical up’s and down’s and emotional up’s and down’s. In the beginning I had no idea what I was doing and was under the assumption that I could trust my doctors, that they would take of me and instead I am left with an empty feeling as if there is still something missing from this puzzle from my previous medical team, that they were not telling me, and now my insurance is questionable until things start to progress, it’s still on going so I cannot comment further on it. I am hopeful that my new team can come together and help me the way it supposed to be.
The Transvaginal Mesh Implant, my questions right now are: What may be left inside me?? I have a lot of nerve damage and muscle loss (I had a revisional surgery in March or April of 2012, I believe that a support, a rectocele reconstruction was done), and What can I do now that I am recognizing the problem areas and speak up about them? Can my new team work together for a possible solution or even a plan for my health journey? I just want to focus on the best quality of life I can get and I am hopeful still that this can be attainable. (cont.. after graphic)
I do a weekly VLOG on YouTube. Each week I will touch on important topics, right now it’s on Anxiety and Depression. Different situations I have experienced and how I deal with the underlining side effects of living with a Transvaginal Mesh Implant, I invite you to come and view my video’s and join with me once a week. Just put into the search field on YouTube: westcoastmeshfighter, it should come up for you. Thank you to all my readers, listeners, family, and friends. (all my social media family, thank you so much)
Thank you all for staying with me, I posted this graphic above because as my readers, this should be made available to you. Most importantly, that I am taking each one of my symptoms very seriously, however distraction has me not able to get everything that I need to get done.
I remind myself everyday when I wake up, be grateful, pick 3 things to be grateful for, then find 2 things that will make you happy that are attainable for that day (today it’s drinking blueberry coffee)! Be happy, (hearing from my kids this week), and then let everything else go and try to relax. I know, easier said than done, for almost two weeks now my anxiety has been really bad, so I thought what the heck, maybe talking about it will help, we will see, so far so good. Who would have thought, I am blogging about my Anxiety to calm my Anxiety..mmmm I might be on to something…
Unfortunately, my physical health has been suffering significately because of distractions, the distraction of having different doctors who treat general medical health and try all different kinds of procedures, and any specialist is by referral or insurance recommended and approved.
The minute I decided to change doctors to a private Internal Medicine Doctor, take control of my own decisions, (yes, covered by my insurance), things started to happen and quickly, although it’s been about 6 months, we are making progress. I also changed Gynecologists, I now have a private doctor. I requested another Case Manager from my insurance company, which I received notice in the mail with a new one, it’s too early to tell what is going to happen next so all I can do is try to be patient and trust that God is guiding me through this. (got to keep reminding myself patience is a virtue), ugh…
I am requesting these things, I believe I have a right as a California Citizen, a United States Citizen, who was a working citizen until their FDA approved device injured me, destroyed the life I had spent close to 25 years building for myself and my family, however now in order to figure out how I can try to get better, not looking good, but I first need to know and understand what is exactly going on inside my body. I have read and found that a my exact symptoms mirror other patients, not just here is the United States but around the world and that is when I realized up until then, nobody believed me?
Not that this is good that other patients are experiencing what I am and some are even worse and this deeply saddens me, it was realizing that yes, my gut was right all along and what I am experiencing is real!!!! WHAT??? I remain hopeful that the medical community here in California will see this going on and actually start to help patients like me, who is suffering at home, afraid to go to the hospital in fear of being labeled again, killing trust with Medical Professionals, and not even get any real help for the pain after waiting hours sometime up to 2 or more hours of having this pain and not getting any help, it’s excruciating and embarrassing. I will go to the hospital if it gets too bad, however I can never tell until I can how extreme it is, what kind of pelvic pain attack it’s going to be and do I really need to go.
Once I picked up on and realized what was really going on, that when things really got bad. Of course it won’t get acknowledged until the higher officials get involved, it’s documented that I am permanently physically and mentally disabled, but it would be nice just to get an apology for how I was treated. I knew that before I could even address what had happened, I needed to understand the manipulation of what they were trying to do to me. I trusted them all, and it’s a horrible feeling to not trust your medical team and that is when I had to make changes, fight for my rights as a patient, get help if I need it, at least that is what I was lead to believe I could do, so I will not stop fighting for my rights.
I was too busy listening to what they couldn’t do or shouldn’t do, and they really didn’t want to do anything, then I realized that I have a say in my own healthcare, both mentally and physically and not just the doctors. Nothing was getting done, no tests, not the correct tests for a surgical mesh device to be detected or complete and accurate follow ups, nothing. and I believe I was eventually labeled an Opioid Addict, not sure which one, but they must all know. I am not and will never be addicted to Opioids or any illegal drugs. Never
I have yet to get any written explanation from my doctors at the time, or even now a year later, also nothing from the hospital that had a hand in this decision regarding why they would immediately stop the medication and refuse to treat my symptoms. One of the Head Nurses of the hospital, along with another new doctor, misrepresented themselves, because I was going to their pain management program to get injections (their procedure, not anything that I had a real say in), and I knew I had to follow all leads until I could figure out what worked and what didn’t, I just didn’t think they would do what they did and also there was a paper that shows that no pain meds due to injections from that pain management doctor, that gynecology clinic and the doctor were still prescribing it to me. It was when I ran out of my monthly prescription that this happened, my pain is severe, but now I can’t do much as far as major lifting or walking, and I understood it to be a recommendation for stopping the medication not a complete cut off, no step down, no medical help and the whole time I was getting injections, I was in pain and their injections were very painful, so while I was going through this, my pain accelerated for many reasons, and also that the head nurse individually insulted me by insinuated that I knew my way around an ER and to go there if I wanted pain medication, (other things were said that I just don’t feel comfortable publicizing it, but if I had to, to a judge, I would in a minute. This happened during a doctor appointment that they recommended and with a brand new doctor??????. I felt discriminated against and then I started to question myself and it was a really dark time for me and they really had me thinking about everything that had happened up to that point.
Another distraction was the urogynocologist @ UC Davis that took over a year to get an appointment with and authorization from my insurance, the blame each other thing was happening until I called the insurance, then UC Davis doc sending me to a Physical Therapy thinking it may cure me??? Ever since I had my original surgery in 09, I get random pelvic pain attacks and I have constant pain in my left buttock cheek there are a lot of symptoms. (I gave it this name after multiple ER doctors couldn’t explain why it was happening). It felt like Labor or Severe Gas Pains that had me in a fetal position, on the floor, crying in pain. I spent a lot of time in hospitals, no one could figure it out, so they would prescribe pain meds and antibiotics. No wonder they assumed this, it’s all about how it looks on paper. Now I am dealing with my records all of a sudden being hard to get and if I want my own copy I have to pay for it? It’s a lot of stress to carry along with my actual symptoms I deal with daily, it’s a struggle and the pain never stops and I believe it’s getting worse. No one should have to go through this!
Ok, once I got past my sorrow and anger, It was then that I was able to start to see what I needed to do (at least what I think should happen) and just like snapping my fingers, I started deciding things again and letting go of what I can’t control. It’s a work in progress but everyday is a blessing and what I hope for you, if you are still with me (thank you so much), is that you start encouraging yourself, tell yourself you can do it, even with the challenges because you are worth it, we all are, love yourself, everyday is a blessing. The small steps will lead to big blessings. Just believe, Blessings and Thank You Again, until next time….I pray for all mesh patients, their families and friends as we are all affected in some way and emotional support is vital. God bless you.
Michelle Hedgcoth, co founder of westcoastmeshfighter, afterthoughts.
TVM warrior and survivor, Patient, Writer, Video Producer, Graphic Designer, Wife and Mother, I love my family.