Hello and Welcome to Manic Monday, I hope everyone is having a great Monday so far. My Monday reminded me of times that when I had the ability to take our family on trips and enjoy life. Now everything has changed, from how we spend our days, to life in general. Going through a severe depressive state with extreme anxiety to starting to let go of things and remember it’s ok to enjoy life, even with a disability.
I have been really fortunate to have been able to take my family on trips and spend time with them just going out to dinner or shopping with them for new clothes, supplies for school, shoes, fun things that is popular. At one point all my kids with the exception of my youngest, a little to young yet, but yes, I did so much with them.
Living with this disability is the biggest challenge I have ever experienced in my life. Sacrifice has been so hard, my family and I have suffered in ways that the mesh companies couldn’t possibly imagine, while they are sitting there able to live a rich life, Anger and Sadness doesn’t even come close to how I am feeling. I have always believed in what goes around, comes around and I am hopeful that justice will actually come in and see what is going on with how we as patients are being treated, lack of medical care and not anywhere enough on the amounts of settlements for the rest of our life.
Today was exceptionally hard with pain, hopefully it won’t be a long night. I haven’t been able to shake it and it could be a number of factors, however I go to see my Doctor this next month. One thing I have done is Journal. I have journals for everything that has happened since the beginning of all this and if I know I am going to a doctor any doctor, I take my medical files with my journal and ask questions. I see my doctor every 3 months, and since my pain is really bad, I just have to relax and realize hey, it’s ok. I am doing my best and that is good enough.
Yesterday’s blog post was really deep and although it was really difficult to type about, I believe that the truth will set you free from things and letting go of that disappointment and anger, it was hard to do, but now I want to live happy and see what else I can do to try to bring myself to a reasonable, low pain level. Goals.. Every week I give myself realistic goals to achieve and it helps me to get through the week. Since I am still trying to make sense of everything, I will keep tonight’s blog post short.
My new case manager called this morning, so half asleep I kept our first conversation fairy lite. Just deal with a couple of easy things is up first and then we will take it from there.
In conclusion I wanted to share this with everyone because it’s touched my heart so much, I really am having a hard time not crying because with the recent passing of my cousin for some reason my outlook on everything changed. I am a firm believer that when u put out positive energy, it comes back and we have had that happen for our family with clothes, food, etc. I am so blessed and grateful for all of our family and friends supporting us emotionally and their help. These are the important things to realize and anything too big emotionally, I give it GOD and I will touch more in detail in future blogs, but for now. Gratitude!!!! It wouldn’t be Manic Monday without a Dream Bedroom… Goals!
Thank you all for reading and Thursday will be a new VLOG. I haven’t been able to post on here due to restrictions with the free account for WordPress and would love to do more, but until I start to pay, I have found other ways to share videos. Please feel free to find me on social media. YouTube is westcoastmeshfighter, yes we have a channel and I vlog once a week right now. Thank you all for your love and support.
Michelle Hedgcoth, co founder of westcoastmeshfighter. #tvmwarriorandsurvivor