Good evening/morning and welcome to my blog. For those of you who are new to my blog, I welcome you. If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe and read my past blog posts. I blog about the trials and tribulations of living with a transvaginal mesh implant.
This evening I wanted to blog “a little bit” about how this whole thing, TVM, has impacted my family dynamics. It’s been a long rough road and I am forever grateful to our loved ones for supporting us through this difficult time our family continues to go through. We wouldn’t be where we are without them, we are very humbled and blessed. Because our children are older, they really understand what is happening with me and that I cannot do the things I used to. It took a long while for everything to start to fall into place and in this blog post, I will talk about real situations that happened in my family and to me. (FYI: it’s quite a long blog, please take some time, grab a warm cup of your drink of choice and I hope you enjoy).
In recent blog posts, I post my disclaimer pictured above explaining that I am not a doctor, lawyer, or a licensed professional regarding the transvaginal mesh implant, I am a patient who advocates for patients, their families, in the hope that it helps our mesh community on their life journey. I share real stories of my own experiences living with a Transvaginal mesh implant and isn’t easy at all to deal with. Since having the TVM in 2009, I have had quite the Journey up until now.
When I started to have complications I was working full time trying to do that, be a full time mother, and dealing with the constant infections for almost a year due to mesh erosion. This happens when the mesh starts to push it’s way through the lower part of your vaginal wall and having to get a new antibiotic prescription every 4-6 weeks. I became immune to all antibiotics with cillin’s in it. That is Penicillin, Amoxicillin, really anything in this family, it caused major hive outbreaks and my throat started to close up and suffocate me. I was hospitalized several times for this and at one point I had hives from head to toe and it was miserable, so please be careful when dealing with medications and know your allergies, this information is really important if you ever need to go to the hospital, take a file with you, that has all of your medical info in it, sometimes you may get a really great ER doctor that will try to help you.
One of the many challenges our family has had to face is that we are a blended family, with that comes what I like to call the “EX Factor”. What that means is that we have kids with other parents and juggling it all has been really difficult on my family.
Recently, my son’s moved with their father about 30 minutes from me. They are older, 20 and 17, and I know that their opportunities for working towards a better future are better off over there where they are, however it seems with a big breakdown in communication with the other parent for the last couple of years, there are a few things that seem to be incorrect regarding me and I want to clarify them. I haven’t had a vehicle to drive to be able to see my kids and the other parent was giving my kids a hard time about bringing them to see me. I recognized immediately that if the roles were reversed I would take them to see their dad, however not everyone has a heart. It’s really hard because I miss them so much, they both have jobs and my middle son has two jobs and goes to high school. Normally I wouldn’t even give this any of my energy, however I know it isn’t right to our kids, when a parent speaks ill of the other parent to the kids, it can really create a parent alienation situation, which had happened to me.
Insert: I have shared custody of my son’s, I worked my entire life, I paid all their insurance premiums, soccer mom, football mom, baseball mom, bowling mom, all of it and at the time I started to have a lot of complications they were both still under aged. The other parent tried to take our son’s away because he didn’t agree of my medical decisions. (note to self: Don’t tell your ex anything about your personal life directly, divorce is divorce). I ended up going to court to fight for my kids and WON. The judge (who did our divorce and custody over 10 years ago), saw that over 10 years of co parenting without any issues and she felt there wasn’t any reason to change things, and she also told the other parent that he should encourage a healthy relationship between me and my son’s. Of course, here we are and they think they have custody, just because they are staying there doesn’t automatically give you anything.. oh geez, so at this point he can go right on ahead and think what they want, (check the court order) I don’t care, because I know the truth and I encouraged my kids to just let it go, it’s not important. They are older and need to stay focused on their life goals, instead of being yelled at and belittled, and to just work hard it will all be OK. They should have encouragement, and support emotionally and not worry about the ones who like to stir pots, spread lies, they should definitely lick the spoon for sure. Love that quote: There is nothing that can keep my son’s from me, it’s a strong bond that will last forever. I am their mother and nothing can break that bond…. Ok so moving on now.. lol.
In September of 2013, I had just lost my employment, (ran out of FMLA) and although I had spent over 8 years working towards a career in collections, my employer was AT WILL (like most in California), meaning they can let you go if they want, if you run out of state mandated time off and they did, with rehire options if a doctor ever released me to go back to work. Like so many before me, it was my turn to say Goodbye to my company and I was moving out of my house in the town I lived in at the same time (our landlords decided to sell their home, so we were given sufficient notice (4 months), then a month later the court with the ex (read insert above), and just after Christmas our family moved in with friends and we were essentially without a home for about 6 weeks.
What I wanted to say is that just because you go through financial hardships it doesn’t make you a bad parent or a liar, (which has been said about me). It felt like a personal attack against me as a mother without any regard for what I and the kids face handling this. It’s just really irresponsible so if you find yourself dealing with the same things, don’t stop fighting, and don’t let the other parent intimidate you into believing you are a bad parent because you became disabled because you are not. It definitely says a lot about the other parent not really knowing the full scope but if they are apprehensive, it’s ok, you don’t really have to tell them anything. (HIPPA RIGHTS).
I also was trying out cannabis to help with sleeping problems. My doctor at the time, wanted me to take Valium, along with all the other pills I was on, my husband insisted not doing it. It was clear the amount of meds I was on at the time were a really dangerous mix which included muscle relaxers and opioids to help with the chronic pain I was experiencing after a failed Pelvic Botox Treatment I had in August of 2013. (I will talk more about my Emergency Room visits that will explain my abdominal issues, diagnoses’ and treatment plans in future blogs). Everything happened so quickly, it was so overwhelming.
We have been here for almost 3 years now, we live in a small place but cozy and our family is all together again. My son’s were just here to celebrate their sisters birthday and everything (I hate to say perfect), but it was. We had all 5 of our kids under one roof for the first time in 3 years. I can’t express enough how much love can fill a room until you see all your children together. I also am lucky to have my husband, and my parents and family from both of our sides, we are truly humbled and blessed to have your support.
At the beginning of the year I always do this one thing, and I know, call me superstitious, however I look over my horoscope for the year and it did reveal that at the end of this year major changes are coming for the good. So far in the last couple of months, it’s all coming true and I will get into more of that in future blogs. One thing I have learned is to roll with the punches, because they are going to come regardless and it’s how we handle ourselves that can really define and show true authentic character.
This experience of living with TVM side effects has really opened my mind up and has me really looking at life from a new perspective. I know this is going to be challenging and I am really ok with it all now. It took time, but slowly I am able to start preparing for a new chapter and that is living life now. Until next time…. thank you for reading and please if you like what I am doing, I would love to hear from you. Comment share and questions.. I will do the best I can to find answers for you and don’t forget about all the social media sites, I will be hopefully updating all of them by the weekend and more blogs are coming….so much has happened in the last couple of weeks alone and I cannot wait to share it all with you. Thank you all so much for your support!
Michelle Hedgcoth, Co-Founder to westcoastmeshfighter, advocate & humanitarian for patients, family and friends of those who suffer and living everyday with mesh related illnesses and struggles, for the sole purpose to help those in need. Thank you all. Goodnight.