West Coast Mesh Fighter

After Thoughts: Stuck between two worlds living with Transvaginal Mesh

How Dealing with Chronic Fatigue affects my life

 

Hello and Good Morning/Evening and Welcome to Afterthoughts, (WCMF).  Since I missed Manic Monday and was late with Sundays and Smalltalk, I thought that talking about chronic pain and fatigue would be a great topic, plus, some things I try to do to make my nights rest as comfortable as possible.

 

The last few days I haven’t been feeling that well, and after going grocery shopping on Monday, then by the time we were back, I felt like I ran the mile.  So exhausted, and also getting a little bit of house work, had me in bed, not just in bed, but passed out asleep.  Apparently, I was that tired and this lasted until today, just eating, restroom, sleep.  I don’t know what is happening, sometimes too much sleep is a sign of infection somewhere, but somehow both my appointments today canceled.  Gratitude, that is what I have to say is Gratitude.

My dad came from out of town to take me to the store, we talked over lunch and went to do kids back to school shopping.  I really was so tired, but spending that time with my Dad, was worth it all.  I am really grateful to him, my mother, and it was just a lot, clothes shoes, supplies, thank goodness I had my daughter there to help out.

When pain like this acts up, I feel so tired and lacking of any energy.  I mopped my kitchen and dining room, the day before yesterday.  So today, now really exhausted and my arms and shoulders, into my back hurt so much, but I am fighting to work through it, I can’t work out like I used to, but I am going to push through. Yes I have kids, however it sometimes easier to do the chores because I am picky, but I do enlist them for help all the time.

Now that my schedule is all out of place, I am going to put it back together.  Try to sleep a normal and reasonable amount of time, and just make some adjustments.  I have been cheating on my coffee limits, so I must go back to 2 cups a day and stopping by 3 in the afternoon.  When I worked I used to drink Coffee All day and now I can’t do that anymore..  I will be up all night and my pain is really bad.  By doing a couple of things at night, tea (relaxing) easy listening music or something to watch on the TV, doing things that relax me and not bring stress to me.

Before my Mesh Implant Complications, I had an amazing life, that I worked really hard for.  Now, I am struggling but I am not broken either.  I know that there isn’t anything that can be done now, so I just take things slowly so I don’t want to get hurt.  Everyday I get with my family is a blessing ; and I am going to beat this mesh, as long as I am alive, won’t let it beat me.

Finally when I took the picture (above: me) I really didn’t think anything of it, thought it was different, but the truth is I don’t have any teeth right now.  At my age, my teeth, they all just kept breaking down and now I have to get false teeth, in the process of it now.  I ended up with abscessed tooth and I have emergency surgery to have the rest removed.   Now I am seeing people around the world talking about how they lost their teeth after mesh was implanted. I don’t know for sure if mesh implants causes teeth decay, but if it does, just another thing to add to the list of side effects that we as patients, are suffering with.

Thank you to everyone following my blog.  After accepting that pain was going to be a part of my life forever, I started slowly changing things within a comfort zone, mental and physical.    Ex” I mopped both kitchen and dining, now I am going to declutter and start the remodeling.  Just to clarify, we are renting so nothing major than just redecorating with updated pictures.  I want my dining room to look like an old place friends can come and enjoy with us.

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My Cat, Sassy, she likes to sit everywhere.  Most of the time when we have company over, my kitchen table becomes the heart of our home. This table belonged to my grandparents on my Dad’s side, and I would love to restore it, sometime in the future, but redoing my dining room will be fun, and  It will  keep me distracted from the pain hopefully, and maybe I can get some fun stuff done.  My pain is nuts, so hopefully I can get some relief and not have to go a hospital.  😦

I usually do my VLOG, Impromptu on Thursdays, so my plan is to be back a little earlier to bring you my VLOG, my readers and listeners, I would love to hear your idea’s.  This is if my pain doesn’t interfere again.  I know it’s not easy to talk about having a TVM, but I believe we are stronger together.  Transvaginal Mesh Implants hurt people both physically and mentally.  If I can’t get medical care from my doctor tomorrow, off to the emergency room.  If I go, it will be because I felt I had no other choice because of the pain, that’s usually when I have to go.  If that happens I will let everyone know if I can what is happening.

I would like to give a special Thank You  to everyone for your concerns & support, A Special Thank you to my family, the support helps m  Hello to my new followers on social media and here on Word press, I am happy that I can share my TVM Mesh Journey.  I couldn’t do this without everyone on social media and having my blog, please share it, if you know anyone who suffers with the side effects from a Transvaginal Mesh..  When I started this, it was just a Facebook page, then I decided to do a blog on my mesh Journey, from there oh man, everyday the numbers keep going up and I am so grateful for you all letting share with you my stories, which isn’t finished, I think I am just getting started.  I have been through so much and I want other patients to know they are not alone.

I love you all and blessings to you,

You can find me social media and Google +.  Going to try and get some answers on my insomnia and until tomorrow night, thank you all for reading.

Michelle Hedgcoth, Co-Founder of westcoastmeshfighter, graphic designer, writer, Transvaginal Mesh Warrior & Survivor,

 

 

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Hello and thank you for stopping by, I wanted to do a little blog, primarily because of how sick I am feeling.  I wanted to put out a thank you and encourage everyone who may be reading this to go to my Blog Posts and if anyone has any questions or comments, please I would love to hear from you all.

Thank you and I will be back for Manic Monday.. I am sorry this is so short.  You can find me on social media.  Love, Hugs and Blessings. if you know anyone who has been affected from a Transvaginal Mesh Implant, please read my blog posts.  Tonight will be a good one.  Thank you and God Bless

Michelle Hedgcoth. Co Founder for westcoastmeshfighter

Hello and Good Evening/Morning to everyone and welcome back to Afterthoughts, westcoastmeshfighter.  Stuck between two worlds living with a Transvaginal Mesh Implant.  The last few weeks have been tough, I personally felt like my heart strings were being pulled so hard, that maybe I couldn’t take it, also dealing with my conditions and trying to be a mom to five teens.  The worst was not being able to do things that I used to do.  I have been trying for 4 years now, to try and rise above what was happening, so  it starts multiple PCP’s and 4 Urogynocologists, many blood tests, IV Antibiotics, pain meds in hospital out of the hospital because abdominal pain was so bad and had a responsible record with my prescriptions.

Neither My Primary Care Physician and Gynecologist that was treating me at the time had explained why, my new doctor left the women’s department I had a mesh implant surgery, I believe they were acting in my best interest and this happened.  I accept that because I really agreed with it, with the exception that more investigating should have went into the mesh devices and they should have been conducted first and Now Look at the Mess they have Made of Us and our Lives as We Knew It.

graphic for afterthoughts healthcare questions

Our Healthcare, now I can’t give to much about what I found regarding laws, because I am not a lawyer, however at the end of this blog will be web info on my sources.  I feel that as a Patient, I investigate so much, we are not getting told anything, No letters with explanation and  we should have a lifetime life coach or a class on loving yourself, helping yourself and doing what makes you happy right???

Patient Rights, I found the info on Patient rights, from local, state to federal.  There are advocate representatives that are supposed to help family’s due to a family member becoming disabled.  I also reread the ADA and nothing has changed there, I will makes some calls and see where that takes me.

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Onto our Healthcare, I started Medi-Cal when I had to leave my employer. That part was difficult and I knew that I would be forced to go onto it What is missing here is justice, Some have been robbed of their enjoyments, life, etc.  I don’t go to the store alone and because of lifting, I usually have a family member with me to help, I just started to do things that are less strenuous., so that overwhelming feeling doesn’t come on to strong.   I still am getting Anxiety Attacks and can’t figure out why.   At first, I used to go to county clinics and the experiences worse than good.  I was always seeing a different doctor and 2 different gynecologists.

With every doctor appointment, came more procedures, more tests, and physical therapy, more this paper says this and this paper says that and it’s acknowledged that I am permanently and physically disabled and must have a care giver.  This pain I experience is nothing good, it’s pain, so painful I go to a hospital and then treated like nothing is wrong with you.  I was forced to file appeals with my healthcare insurance company and after I received my letters that they were investigating and I never received nothing back, no letter of explanation the doctor was blaming insurance and vice versa.

A Transvaginal Mesh Device hurts me

I will blog more in the future because things are constantly changing.  I requested a new Nurse Case manager, Gynecologist and Internal Medicine 1st call.  I have decided that I need to be able to do certain things just to make things a bit more comfortable for me.  I will be making an appointment with disabilities advocate for California residents.  My family has been torn apart and as they continue to get older, I pray there is a way I can get us all back together.

If you need help, you can file a grievance and switch doctors until you find someone who wants to really treat you instead ignoring the issues, and refuse to treat because they can’t see what is wrong and they had me doing injections.  I have been always from the prescriptions for a long time, the county clinics have done away from, the,/

Ok so here in California, if you are not working you may qualify for food stamps, medical insurance and cash, also we have plenty of food banks where you can go and get some food and clothes for you and if you  have a family they may be in need too. I can’t even imagine the emotional roller coaster, my heart goes out to you with everything you are already dealing with.

I often wish that we could ban together , however time, location and distance places a part as well.

When u have to the doctor for 10 years of appointments, (when I was with private insurance) tests, conversations about life and what I wanted to do and after that I was referred to another urogynocologist and do all follow-ups, when I first received this info, I was shocked because  I really had no help, no ideas and everyone I had called said they programs but many of us don’t qualify due to credit, so if have someone helping you, I don’t know about all of you. but I really thought my some of my relatives would help us out however, everything worked out.  It’s interesting and puzzling that the answers are right of me, but I get so stressed.  Anyways, I contacted my insurance options and then I received treatment for this at least, Mesh Still a ??  This weekend is coming and I may do another video on different ways to comfort our selves.  #pamperyourself

 

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If you are interested in getting your insurance to help you with your treatment, give you the information and you need to get yourself some love, we all deserve it,  call your insurance and request a Nurse Case Manager for takes about a month or too before you are, so patients is going to play a big role, but it’s worth it in the long run.

As always I want to remind everyone that I am not a lawyer, doctor, medical professional, however I am a patient living with the underlying side effects from this product.  Everything I share with you is just information and my Personal Journeys living with a Mesh Implant in your body your rep should walk you through the process.  We have rights as patients for care.

Thank you all for reading until next time… stay strong, for your Mesh Family is rooting for you.

Michelle Hedgcoth, Co-Founder of westcoastmeshfighter, #tvmwarriorandsurvivor

Below are some important facts along with their information, for Californians I hope these public resources are available to you.

Disability rights for CA
California’s protection & advocacy system
For legal assistance call 800-776-5746. For all other purposes call 916-504-5800 in Northern CA
or 213-213-8000 in Southern CA. TTY 800-719-5798.

Home About & Contact Us Services Donate In the Legislature Press Publications & Resources
CALIFORNIA OFFICE OF PATIENTS’ RIGHTS
Disability Rights California
1831 K Street
Sacramento, CA 95811
Telephone (916) 575-1610
Fax (916) 575-1613
COPRinforequest@disabilityrightsca.org

WHAT IS PATIENTS’ RIGHTS ADVOCACY:
Advocacy is the process of promoting and representing patients’ / individuals’ rights and interests through direct assistance, monitoring, training, and policy review. California has a legislatively mandated Patients’ Rights Advocacy system made up of three components:
California Office of Patients’ Rights
State Hospital Patients’ Rights Advocate’s
County Patients’ Rights Advocates

WHO ARE THE PATIENTS’ RIGHTS ADVOCATES:
The Patients’ Rights Advocates (PRA) in the state hospitals are employees of Disability Rights California.  The California Office of Patients’ Rights is contracted by the Department of Mental Health to ensure that the treatment and legal rights of people receiving mental health treatment are maintained.
Disability Rights California is a nonprofit agency that provides legal and other advocacy assistance to people with disabilities.  Disability Rights California began protecting the rights of Californians with disabilities in 1978.
Under the contract with California’s Department of Mental Health, Disability Rights California operates the California Office of Patients’ Rights (C.O.P.R.) to provide support to Patients’ Rights Advocates in the counties and employs a Patients’ Rights Advocate at each State Hospital to directly advocate for the rights of people with psychiatric disabilities.

The legislative mandated duties of the Patients’ Rights Advocate are:
To investigate and resolve complaints received from individuals about violations or abuse of their rights and/or to cause the investigation of such complaints.
To act as an advocate for individuals who are unable or afraid to file a complaint.
To monitor facilities for compliance with patients’ rights, laws, regulations, and policies.
To train staff in areas regarding patients’ rights, laws, regulations, and policies.
To assist staff in ensuring that all individuals are notified of their rights, including the right to contact the Advocate and the California Office of Patients’ Rights.
To act as a consultant to mental health professionals in the area of Patients’ rights.
To act as a liaison between the facility’s advocacy program and the California Office of Patients’ Rights.
In addition to the legislatively mandated functions above, the DMH contract delegates to the California Office of Patients’ Rights the responsibility for coordinating the hospital patient complaint process, to include the intake and tracking of all complaints, identification of patients’ rights issues for advocate investigation or response and the referral of all other complaints to appropriate program/department staff for response and/or resolution.

Our main office is located in Sacramento (address above)

Main Office Staff
Michele Mudgett – Director
Ann Coller – Patients’ Rights Specialist
Agnes Lintz  – Patients’ Rights Specialist
Jame Chang – Appeals Coordinator
Griselda Alvarez – Office Manager
Atascadero State Hospital
Manuel “Lucas” Campos, Patients’ Rights Advocate
Kathy Kalem, Patients’ Rights Advocate
Coalinga State Hospital
Daniel Wagoner, Patients’ Rights Advocate
Nayeli Estrada, Assistant Patients’ Rights Advocate
Metropolitan State Hospital
Warren Rogers, Patients’ Rights Advocate
Maria Garcia, Patients’ Rights Advocate Assistant
Napa State Hospital
Kelli Hagstrom, Patients’ Rights Advocate
Melina Llamas, Assistant Patients’ Rights Advocate
Patton State Hospital
Priscilla Torres, Patients’ Rights Advocate
Paula McCord-Watier, Supervising Advocate Specialist
All Rights Reserved © 2012 | For legal assistance call 800-776-5746 or complete a request for assistance form. For all other purposes call 916-504-5800 (Northern CA); 213-213-8000 (Southern CA). TTY 800-719-5798. | Disclaimer

office of patients rights sacramento
office of patients rights california
mental health patients rights california
patients rights advocate mental health services
state of california patient rights
patients rights phone number
california patient advocate
california patient rights and responsibilities

UNTIL NEXT TIME… ENJOY LIFE FORE, YOU CANNOT GO BACK TO RETRIEVE IT!

 

 

Hello and Welcome to Manic Monday, I hope everyone is having a great Monday so far.  My Monday reminded me of times that when I had the ability to take our family on trips and enjoy life.  Now everything has changed, from how we spend our days, to life in general.  Going through a severe depressive state with extreme anxiety to starting to let go of things and remember it’s ok to enjoy life, even with a disability.

I have been really fortunate to have been able to take my family on trips and spend time with them just going out to dinner or shopping with them for new clothes, supplies for school, shoes, fun things that is popular.  At one point all my kids with the exception of my youngest, a little to young yet, but yes, I did so much with them.

Living with this disability is the biggest challenge I have ever experienced in my life.  Sacrifice has been so hard, my family and I have suffered in ways that the mesh companies couldn’t possibly imagine, while they are sitting there able to live a rich life, Anger and Sadness doesn’t even come close to how I am feeling.  I have always believed in what goes around, comes around and I am hopeful that justice will actually come in and see what is going on with how we as patients are being treated, lack of medical care and not anywhere enough on the amounts of settlements for the rest of our life.

what is painToday was exceptionally hard with pain, hopefully it won’t be a long night.  I haven’t been able to shake it and it could be a number of factors, however I go to see my Doctor this next month.  One thing I have done is Journal.  I have journals for everything that has happened since the beginning of all this and if I know I am going to a doctor any doctor, I take my medical files with my journal and ask questions.  I see my doctor every 3 months, and since my pain is really bad, I just have to relax and realize hey, it’s ok.   I am doing my best and that is good enough.

Yesterday’s blog post was really deep and although it was really difficult to type about, I believe that the truth will set you free from things and letting go of that disappointment and anger, it was hard to do, but now I want to live happy and see what else I can do to try to bring myself to a reasonable, low pain level.  Goals.. Every week I give myself realistic goals to achieve and it helps me to get through the week.  Since I am still trying to make sense of everything, I will keep tonight’s blog post short.

My new case manager called this morning, so half asleep I kept our first conversation fairy lite.  Just deal with a couple of easy things is up first and then we will take it from there.

In conclusion I wanted to share this with everyone because it’s touched my heart so much, I really am having a hard time not crying because with the recent passing of my cousin for some reason my outlook on everything changed.  I am a firm believer that when u put out positive energy, it comes back and we have had that happen for our family with clothes, food, etc.   I am so blessed and grateful for all of our family and friends supporting us emotionally and their help.  These are the important things to realize and anything too big emotionally, I give it GOD and I will touch more in detail in future blogs, but for now.  Gratitude!!!!  It wouldn’t be Manic Monday without a Dream Bedroom… Goals!

Thank you all for reading and Thursday will be a new VLOG.  I haven’t been able to post on here due to restrictions with the free account for WordPress and would love to do more, but until I start to pay, I have found other ways to share videos.  Please feel free to find me on social media. YouTube is westcoastmeshfighter, yes we have a channel and I vlog once a week right now.  Thank you all for your love and support.

Michelle Hedgcoth, co founder of westcoastmeshfighter.   #tvmwarriorandsurvivor

 

 

 

 

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Hello and welcome to Afterthoughts, Good Evening/Morning to you, thank you for stopping by for a inspirational Sundays and Small Talk.  Today I would like to highlight and talk about Distractions and how they have been involved and will continue to be, with my journey since I had my TVM.  I just would like to say that I am not a Doctor or any licensed medical professional and that I am a Patient, Advocate, and Humanitarian.  My blog posts are for the sole purpose to support and Advocate for patients and the medical care we should be receiving, for family and friends because of a faulty medical mesh device.

There has been some major medical up’s and down’s and emotional up’s and down’s.  In the beginning I had no idea what I was doing and was under the assumption that I could trust my doctors, that they would take of me and instead I am left with an empty feeling as if there is still something missing from this puzzle from my previous medical team, that they were not telling me, and now my insurance is questionable until things start to progress, it’s still on going so I cannot comment further on it.  I am hopeful that my new team can come together and help me the way it supposed to be.

ams apogee pelvic floor systemThis picture I obtained publically and it’s not intended for copywriting.

The Transvaginal Mesh Implant, my questions right now are:  What may be left inside me??  I have a lot of nerve damage and muscle loss (I had a revisional surgery in March or April of 2012, I believe that a support, a rectocele reconstruction was done), and What can I do now that I am recognizing the problem areas and speak up about them?   Can my new team work together for a possible solution or even a plan for my health journey? I just want to focus on the best quality of life I can get and I am hopeful still that this can be attainable.  (cont.. after graphic)

I do a weekly VLOG  on YouTube.  Each week I will touch on important topics, right now it’s on Anxiety and Depression.  Different situations I have experienced and how I deal with the underlining side effects of living with a Transvaginal Mesh Implant, I invite you to come and view my video’s and join with me once a week.  Just put into the search field on YouTube:  westcoastmeshfighter, it should come up for you.  Thank you to all my readers, listeners, family, and friends.   (all my social media family, thank you so much)

vlog description of symptoms

Thank you all for staying with me, I posted this graphic above because as my readers, this should be made available to you.  Most importantly, that I am taking each one of my symptoms very seriously, however distraction has me not able to get everything that I need to get done.

I remind myself everyday when I wake up, be grateful, pick 3 things to be grateful for, then find 2 things that will make you happy that are attainable for that day (today it’s drinking blueberry coffee)!  Be happy, (hearing from my kids this week), and then let everything else go and try to relax.  I know, easier said than done, for almost two weeks now my anxiety has been really bad, so I thought what the heck, maybe talking about it will help, we will see, so far so good.  Who would have thought, I am blogging about my Anxiety to calm my Anxiety..mmmm I might be on to something…

Unfortunately, my physical health has been suffering significately because of distractions, the distraction of having different doctors who treat general medical health and try all different kinds of procedures, and any specialist is by referral or insurance recommended and approved.

The minute I decided to change doctors to a private Internal Medicine Doctor, take control of my own decisions, (yes, covered by my insurance), things started to happen and quickly, although it’s been about 6 months, we are making progress.  I also changed Gynecologists, I now have a private doctor.  I requested another Case Manager from my insurance company, which I received notice in the mail with a new one, it’s too early to tell what is going to happen next so all I can do is try to be patient and trust that God is guiding me through this. (got to keep reminding myself patience is a virtue), ugh…

I am requesting these things, I believe I have a right as a California Citizen, a United States Citizen, who was a working citizen until their FDA approved device injured me, destroyed the life I had spent close to 25 years building for myself and my family, however now in order to figure out how I can try to get better, not looking good, but I first need to know and understand what is exactly going on inside my body.   I have read and found that a my exact symptoms mirror other patients, not just here is the United States but around the world and that is when I realized up until then, nobody believed me?

Not that this is good that other patients are experiencing what I am and some are even worse and this deeply saddens me, it was realizing that yes, my gut was right all along  and what I am experiencing is real!!!! WHAT???   I remain hopeful that the medical community here in California will see this going on and actually start to help patients like me, who is suffering at home, afraid to go to the hospital in fear of being labeled again, killing trust with Medical Professionals, and not even get any real help for the pain after waiting hours sometime up to 2 or more hours of having this pain and not getting any help, it’s excruciating and embarrassing.  I will go to the hospital if it gets too bad, however I can never tell until I can how extreme it is, what kind of pelvic pain attack it’s going to be and do I really need to go.

Once I picked up on and realized what was really going on, that when things really got bad.  Of course it won’t get acknowledged until the higher officials get involved, it’s documented that I am permanently physically and mentally disabled, but it would be nice just to get an apology for how I was treated.  I knew that before I could even address what had happened, I needed to understand the manipulation of what they were trying to do to me.  I trusted them all, and it’s a horrible feeling to not trust your medical team and that is when I had to make changes, fight for my rights as a patient, get help if I need it, at least that is what I was lead to believe I could do, so I will not stop fighting for my rights.

transvaginal Mesh Hurts me

I was too busy listening to what they couldn’t do or shouldn’t do, and they really didn’t want to do anything, then I realized that I have a say in my own healthcare, both mentally and physically and not just the doctors.  Nothing was getting done, no tests, not the correct tests for a surgical mesh device to be detected or complete and accurate follow ups, nothing. and I believe I was eventually labeled an Opioid Addict, not sure which one, but they must all know.  I am not and will never be addicted to Opioids or any illegal drugs.  Never

I have yet to get any written explanation from my doctors at the time, or even now a year later, also nothing from the hospital that had a hand in this decision regarding why they would immediately stop the medication and refuse to treat my symptoms.  One of the Head Nurses of the hospital, along with another new doctor, misrepresented themselves, because I was going to their pain management program to get injections (their procedure, not anything that I had a real say in), and I knew I had to follow all leads until I could figure out what worked and what didn’t, I just didn’t think they would do what they did and also there was a paper that shows that no pain meds due to injections from that pain management doctor,  that gynecology clinic and the doctor were still prescribing it to me.  It was when I ran out of my monthly prescription that this happened, my pain is severe, but now I can’t do much as far as major lifting or walking, and I understood it to be a recommendation for stopping the medication not a complete cut off, no step down, no medical help and the whole time I was getting injections, I was in pain and their injections were very painful, so while I was going through this, my pain accelerated for many reasons, and also that the head nurse  individually insulted me by insinuated that I knew my way around an ER and to go there if I wanted pain medication, (other things were said that I just don’t feel comfortable publicizing it, but if I had to, to a judge, I would in a minute.  This happened  during a doctor appointment that they recommended and with a brand new doctor??????.  I felt discriminated against and then I started to question myself and it was a really dark time for me and they really had me thinking about everything that had happened up to that point.

Another distraction was the urogynocologist @ UC Davis that took over a year to get an appointment with and authorization from my insurance,  the blame each other thing was happening until I called the insurance,  then UC Davis doc sending me to a Physical Therapy thinking it may cure me???   Ever since I had my original surgery in 09, I get random pelvic pain attacks and I have constant pain in my left buttock cheek there are a lot of symptoms.  (I gave it this name after multiple ER doctors couldn’t explain why it was happening).  It felt like Labor or Severe Gas Pains that had me in a fetal position, on the floor, crying in pain.  I spent a lot of time in hospitals, no one could figure it out, so they would prescribe pain meds and antibiotics.  No wonder they assumed this, it’s all about how it looks on paper.  Now I am dealing with my records all of a sudden being hard to get and if I want my own copy I have to pay for it?  It’s a lot of stress to carry along with my actual symptoms I deal with daily, it’s a struggle and the pain never stops and I believe it’s getting worse.  No one  should have to go through this!

Ok, once I got past my sorrow and anger,  It was then that I was able to start to see what I needed to do (at least what I think should happen) and just like snapping my fingers, I started deciding things again and letting go of what I can’t control.   It’s a work in progress but everyday is a blessing and what I hope for you, if you are still with me (thank you so much), is that you start encouraging yourself, tell yourself you can do it, even with the challenges because you are worth it, we all are, love yourself, everyday is a blessing.  The small steps will lead to big blessings.  Just believe, Blessings and Thank You Again, until next time….I pray for all mesh patients, their families and friends as we are all affected in some way and emotional support is vital.  God bless you.

Michelle Hedgcoth, co founder of westcoastmeshfighter, afterthoughts.

TVM warrior and survivor, Patient, Writer, Video Producer, Graphic Designer, Wife and Mother, I love my family.tbnotetoself

Hello and Good Evening/Morning to everyone, I hope you all are doing well!  We made it through another Monday and I used to think Monday’s were my most horrific days.  I don’t know if it’s just a mindset where you wake up with and automatically your like “ugh it’s Monday”.  There are so many examples of how Monday’s would get here and I have no idea where the week went.  rise and sparkle cupHaving to change your mindset is one of the most challenging mental brain warps I continue to struggle with everyday.  Everyday I wake up, I am hit immediately with Pain.  I don’t really get a lot of sleep anymore and I find myself 3 hours here and 4 hours there.  It’s like having to pick what is most important to deal with, getting pain under control, then starting my morning and making that easier to cope with.  I have never been a morning person, but I had a morning routine when I worked full time.  Once that was interrupted, the challenges began.  I have spent close to the last 8 years trying to figure out how to deal with it.

When they say it’s a process, they weren’t kidding and by they, I mean medical professionals.  It wasn’t direct, however I could tell that with every procedure, blood draw, hospital visit, doctor appointments, different medications, it became so complicated that it became just trying things out, also I have minimal pain meds now, but Monday’s became the day for calls, follow ups, etc.  Sunday would come and it would stress me out thinking of all the calls I needed to make and what if I couldn’t wake up in time because I was up the night before in horrible amounts of pelvic pain???? What if I made the appointment and I couldn’t get there because I couldn’t get transportation scheduled.  Before I knew it, I was saying to myself “skip it” and I would just keep my appointments.

graditude lighteningHere I am almost 4 years later, completely disabled and still doing trial and error except now I have new doctors and all I have is time now to figure out how to help myself at home, along with investigating more community options for our family.  I don’t know to describe it other than Gratitude.  I wake up with Gratitude and I am really.  I was so angry and disappointed in our State, Government for so long with my lack of medical care that I received once I lost my employer’s health insurance, after a transvaginal Mesh Implant permanently disabled me.  I am so much pain that I would wake up on Mondays already pissed off because I overslept my medication times and I knew I had to change how I was thinking or nothing would ever change, this cycle would continue and I certainly didn’t want to live out the rest of my life like that.

Of course not realizing it, I was starting to slowly wake up with my first thought something happy.  I don’t know why, but I started doing this daily and then it seemed that our family was getting some happy back.  Motivation for change is already taking place and I am genially happy.  This medical condition and everything that came with it, affected our whole family so much that for a short time, it seemed as if nothing would ever get better.

graditude graphic design wcmf

Some of the most basic Principles that were taught to me as a young lady, somehow I had forgotten some of them.  Despair has a funny (not funny) way of reminding us of tragedy, sadness, and until we see past it, nothing will ever change.  The last time I had checked for Transvaginal Mesh News updates,was a couple of years ago, there was hardly anything and now I see it all over the World, finally maybe my doctors will start to pay attention to the coverage.  We are fighting back and once the Mesh Implants are off the market for good, we might be able to just save people from the permanent damage that these faulty devices try to steal from us, and those who continue to have permanent damage, mental illness, and injuries to areas that are extremely sensitive.  How can they back any of them knowing all of these things.  I am still angry, but now my focus is on us survivors who have to live with pain, suffering, and everything in between.

Once we figure out what we need to deal within our own bodies and mind, the Chronic Debilitating Pain, the damaged mental state, from doctors and medical professionals ignoring us, looking at us like we are liars, to doctors coming and telling you the mesh disappeared, it’s gone, great news!  (this really happened to me), but couldn’t explain why I was having large amounts of pain and the kind of pain I deal with everyday is not normal, nor should I have been treated the way I have and now all I can do is try to move forward and I know I can.

I know the options for overcoming this started the minute I opened my mind up to trying to get help, whether it be emotional or physical and I am still doing it, slow or quick, I won’t stop trying.  There is not harm, or shame in it, especially with mental health.   If the public only knew the number of suicides so far from this, it’s heartbreaking to even know about it.  I stand up against Mesh along with our Mesh Warriors around the world. I would never want anyone to feel or experience what I have had to here in my county.  I shouldn’t feel ashamed because a faulty medical device was put in my body and now it’s caused so many side effects in me.

I actually was embarrassed about my mental state for a long time because I had always handled it without a problem until this happened and I can’t stress this enough, We Matter, all of us, what has been done to us should be criminal.  The fact that this can bring a whole world together is amazing and I am grateful to have you all with me, thank you all so much.  Love yourself, take care of yourself, do what is necessary for your mental health and physical health.  Life doesn’t have to be miserable and.  You are worth it, we are worth it!!! #wearestrongertogether

Love and blessings to you all and please comment, like, share.  I am on social media outlets Twitter, Facebook, Google + and Instagram and now on YouTube, if you have a hard time finding them, please let me know.  May Joy and Peace be with you until next time.  Have an amazing week, because we can!

M. Hedgcoth, co founder of westcoastmeshfighter, Advocate and Humanitarian, Writer and Graphic Designer

Ref:  Photo Apps for Windows 10, and The Secret, Movie.  You can find it on YouTube along with Oprah Winfrey’s super soul Sundays.

 

 

this a damn fine cup of coffeeI wanted to add a extra post about the letting go and also managing pain.  I didn’t know how to manage my pain for a long time.  It’s not good either way, but now looking back, I know that I had symptoms that mirrored Opioid induced constipation, which lead to pain, very large amounts of pain.   Most of the time, I am in a bed, and I am trying to walk a little further, but it’s been over a 100 degree’s almost every day for over a week, and it’s not looking any better this week.  😦

I know that with each challenging day, I get right back up and try again to do my routines, but for some reason, I would get off track?? This became more of a why?  I am getting there but the Biggest thing I can say is “Relax” and “Release”.  I tell myself this everyday.  To relax, I have a morning of peace and quiet, it’s really nice when the house is quiet.  This creates the very little opportunity to get up, take meds, start coffee, let my doggies out, all in 15-20 min of waking up.  After my coffee is made, my doggies are inside, I have to go and rest and wake up.

The more I am staying relaxed, the more I can release some pain away, but I know it’s a mind over matter and I really do limits to what pain level I can handle.  One thing I wanted to remind everyone, is that I am not a doctor, Nurse, or representing anyone, or any entity.   Please if you have any questions, always consult your doctor or medical professional for questions for stress reducing programs that may be available by your Health Insurance.

I am growing everyday with this crazy journey and by letting go , I am experiencing happiness for the first time in a long time.  I thank you all so much for following my blog, I am also on Facebook, Instagram, Google + and Twitter.  God bless you all and Ill be back to Manic Monday.

Mrs. M Hedgcoth, westcoastmeshfighter.

 

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