West Coast Mesh Fighter

After Thoughts: Stuck between two worlds living with Transvaginal Mesh

this a damn fine cup of coffeeI wanted to add a extra post about the letting go and also managing pain.  I didn’t know how to manage my pain for a long time.  It’s not good either way, but now looking back, I know that I had symptoms that mirrored Opioid induced constipation, which lead to pain, very large amounts of pain.   Most of the time, I am in a bed, and I am trying to walk a little further, but it’s been over a 100 degree’s almost every day for over a week, and it’s not looking any better this week.  😦

I know that with each challenging day, I get right back up and try again to do my routines, but for some reason, I would get off track?? This became more of a why?  I am getting there but the Biggest thing I can say is “Relax” and “Release”.  I tell myself this everyday.  To relax, I have a morning of peace and quiet, it’s really nice when the house is quiet.  This creates the very little opportunity to get up, take meds, start coffee, let my doggies out, all in 15-20 min of waking up.  After my coffee is made, my doggies are inside, I have to go and rest and wake up.

The more I am staying relaxed, the more I can release some pain away, but I know it’s a mind over matter and I really do limits to what pain level I can handle.  One thing I wanted to remind everyone, is that I am not a doctor, Nurse, or representing anyone, or any entity.   Please if you have any questions, always consult your doctor or medical professional for questions for stress reducing programs that may be available by your Health Insurance.

I am growing everyday with this crazy journey and by letting go , I am experiencing happiness for the first time in a long time.  I thank you all so much for following my blog, I am also on Facebook, Instagram, Google + and Twitter.  God bless you all and Ill be back to Manic Monday.

Mrs. M Hedgcoth, westcoastmeshfighter.



welcome sign1Hello and Good Evening/Morning to everyone and welcome to Sunday and Small Talk.  I hope everyone is well and taking care.  There was a time when I never thought I could talk about my medical issues, let alone having the outlets of social media that has not only helped me but gave me this opportunity to share with you all my journey.  I have learned that no matter what I face, change is always going to come,  it’s up to me to decide which way I want to go in my life. I defiantly didn’t think that I would even be dealing with the medical issues that comes with a TVM.  I frequently get UTI’s, IV therapy for antibiotics and pain medication, going to the doctors all the time.  Unable to walk around the block the pain is so bad.  I really thought about this and I hadn’t before, things are different now, so pain never goes away, there fore it never leaves my mind.  Always trying to minimize it somehow.  Heating pad, Icy Hot, or any muscle rub, right after a bath, with lavender bath salts, a few candles, and my bathroom just became my hideaway,  (we have two teens at home, total of 5), lol.

For the longest time, dealing with pain has become part of my daily life, and it drains everything I have, at least half the time, my kids are helping with dinner and dishes because I can’t get up for more than a few minutes than the pain kicks in.  I just know I felt alone for so long, then, once I connected online, I see it now as humbling, appreciating what I have and realizing what I don’t need.   My hope is that something I experienced can help others.  Emotionally, it beats you up inside and getting away from those feelings isn’t easy.  I am still struggling sometimes, but I wake up everyday with the attitude that I can and I will.

I have noticed that lately I have been happier, enjoying my time with my family.  Finding laughter again, it’s such a relief because for the longest time, I felt guilty for feeling good, happy.   I knew that the road would be shown to me eventually, so I have waited patiently, in pain.   One things for sure, I have learned a lot more about myself during this Journey and I have learned what really makes me happy, I hold onto that.  I love my family, more than anything, and I am blessed to have them all, however I have also learned that with a great life changing condition comes major changes in the very life we were living.

my dream bedroom.jpg

OMGosh!!!! What a bedroom!!!!!  I love looking at living room, bedrooms, this is over the top though.

I am good with it all, it took me some time, but I have accepted things to a point, let go a bit and now I am happier.   Living life on my terms is honest, not just to myself but to my family.  Each Mesh warrior has similar and some different side effects, one thing I am sure we can agree on is the pain is horrible, keeps me in bed for days sometimes depending on what I  might have overdone it again.  It’s hard to explain excruciating pain to someone, I still have a hard time when I have to go to the hospital.  Some of my home treatments are a warm shower with a foot of warm water in the tub, when I stand I have bath salts put into the warm water and I am relaxing my feet while I shower  Just standing in it makes my feet really soft like you just put amazing lotion on your legs and feet.  Feeling relaxed after that helps me to sleep, it is so relaxing, with your favorite music if you want, I always do.


As I am coming to terms with life, with limit’s, verses the world I used to live in, where I worked at an amazing job, and I always could provide for my kids and myself, but then this happened.  Things are different now, just like so many mesh warriors and I know there a many who are suffering with unbearable pain, and so many side effects, financial circumstances, etc.  I want to send blessings and love to all those who are feeling lost, sick, lonely, you are not alone, I am thinking good thoughts for you all.  Now it’s time for me to live the way I intended to, helping as many as I can, as best as I can, and I will stop at nothing to live my dreams, one day at a time.

May you all find peace, love, and joy, until next time, thank you so much for reading, it means the world to me, please comment any suggestions, any questions, comments, thank you so much. Blessings to everyone!

Mrs. M Hedgcoth co founder of westcoastmeshfighter, #tvmwarriorandsurvivor, #wearestrongertogether.



Hello Good Evening/Morning to everyone and welcome to Afterthoughts, for Westcoastmeshfighter.  Tonight’s subject is about your self worth and work.  Most of us were different people, with different outlooks about our life and what we wanted it to be.  Then the mesh implants started to cause severe pelvic pain, constipation, infections, auto immune disorder, mesh revisional, physical Therapy for my Pelvic Floor.

cafe cupCool graphic I found online., Coffee in my favorite color.

So here begs the question:  How can we live an enjoyable life living with chronic pain?  Well if I had the entire answer, I probably would be living a whole lot better than our family is living right now,  being able to feed my kids without worry, have money pay for a place in a good neighborhood with a good school and just to live the life I used too.  At some point I had to admit that I was human and get some help to deal with all the stress.

Ok in reality, just having a place to live is a blessing and constantly we make it through situation that could have avoided if I never became injured.  I have prayed and prayed for guidance from god.  One you awaken your inner soul your truth will guide you to better things, but change always has to happen.  Unhealthy decisions will never get you to a place where you can say you earned it.  I can’t do that anymore, but I know I can help others.



First and foremost I wanted to say is I am catholic and I want to thank God for the many blessings he has given our family as we continue with the journey.  I thought to myself, so you lost your life everything.  I really thought about this and there are a couple of ways of approaching this controversial  issue.  I know I have made mistakes along with way regarding medical decisions, however I cannot go back and change anything, so I choose to move forward.  My pain is really bad so I will wrap this u.

End after Graphic.

the war of Art


Living with chronic pain isn’t easy, it seem that as my pain is getting worse, the more I want stay in bed.  I am working on changing these behaviors that are not healthy for me or my family.  I have already made the appointment to go to my internal medicine Doctor and I received a letter indicating that my urogynocologist isn’t’ going to treat patients in our dept. anymore@ UC Davis,,  They did offer alternative doctors and will have to call later this morning to deal with that.

It’s hard to love yourself, I know not everyone can shut down their emotions or pain, so it’s a trial and error.  I have been through so much and I am living life day by day instead of planning every little thing. Now I have started to have memory loss and I can’t remember some of the things that has happened in the last two week, this has been going on for a while now.  Some of my days are good and some are terrible. Each person has different disabilities and we can no longer work.  What I don’t understand is how can this be.  I haven’t gone to work since September 30, 2013 due to medical reasons, so I am rehire able, however my problem isn’t fixed and I don’t know if it will ever be.  I am really trying to make the best of it all.

it doesn’t stop me from trying.  I just go with the flow with things, I have a  bag packed just in case I have to leave my house in a hurry or go to the hospital.  I try not to plan things that I can’t over come.


It’s hard for anyone to understand chronic pain unless of course you live with it everyday.  I Encourage everyone to make sure you have a support system like family and friends to help you.  I also encourage that you have a plan just in case, It’s not easy but a lot of towns have food banks know that catholic churches gives you two nice bags of food and fruit and breads and deserts and they have clothes..  I encourage everyone to check for that in your home town, it helps that they can help out families in need.  I hope you all  have a wonderful week and I will be back tomorrow with Manic Monday… Hugs and Blessings Mesh Warrior.

Thank you for reading and until next time mesh warriors..

Mrs. Michelle Hedgcoth, Co founder of WCMF, advocate for patient rights and Humanitarian for chronic pain patients.  Thank you again. #westcoastmeshfighter, #tvmwarriorandsurvivor, #wearestrongertogether


Hello and welcome to westcoastmeshfighter, afterthoughts, I thank you for reading.  It takes a lot of courage just to admit that this disability is really painful.  I really had two subjects that I wanted to talk about how having courage has brought me to where I am.  miracles1

This last week was really confusing as far as family goes, however I had a great time with my dad and brother and my niece and nephews this week.

I wanted to talk about courage tonight, because I believe I witnessed several miracles this week.  I know back to school is slowly approaching and I had no idea how I was going to get clothes for our kids and when I was with my family this week, someone gave my parents 3 garbage bag full of practically brand new clothes, from high end department stores.  I actually started crying, because I was overwhelmed with gratitude.

It takes a lot of courage to go to a public family event with a lot of people you don’t know.  My anxiety was in overload at my cousins funeral.  I actually had to separate myself so I could breath it out.  I am thinking to myself, great how do I handle this?  My answer is I don’t know, but it took a lot of courage to go.  I ended up having a great time with my dad, brother, his girlfriend Stacy and 4 of our 6 kids.  We had such a good time, even though we just had a loved one pass away.


Having social anxiety disorder has me home bound for the most part, however after the funeral, there was a reception, however I had to go home and change, the weather has made it hard because of the heat, so went outside when I was feeling overwhelmed.    I am really new to having anxiety and depression like this.  I know in my heart of hearts I will continue to fight to regain some of my favorite things to do.  I also felt really disconnected from my family.  What used to be, I see it different, so all I can do is take it one day at a time.  Tomorrow is Sunday and Smalltalk, thank you for stopping by!  Remember it takes courage to fight back, Mesh won’t beat me, I will Beat the Mesh.

Thank you all for your support and have a great Sunday.

M. Hedgcoth Co founder of Westcoastmeshfighter

Hello Everyone, Good Evening and Morning to you and Once again it’s Monday already, well almost Tuesday.  I started last night with talking a little about Depression, Anxiety and how to just cope with all the emotions we have to face, however I realized a little too late how tired I was.  I didn’t get any sleep the night before and I went back and reread my entry and thought, “wow, look at all the spelling errors”.  Then it came to me today, just before starting this blog entry about “Manic Monday” and I thought to myself, Today was a really good day.  It really was a good day.

I haven’t felt like this in a while, happy, for just being happy.  I have to say this, I really enjoy blogging all the time.  It seems like with every week that passes by, I can brainstorm idea’s, now it’s coming to me so quickly that I actually started to journal entry my idea’s.  I realized that I would like to break up “The evolution of my Social Anxiety Disorder” into weekly segments.  It’s really got me challenging myself to talk about things, let alone think about them.  I already in just a few short months, have reached so many people, it’s extraordinary and I am Thankful for that.


I will do a little highlight on Depression and Anxiety, however I am going to mainly focus on uplifting yourself.  I absolutely am really hard on myself, for a couple of reasons, but mostly because I don’t like defeat, as in Goal setting, plans, just being able to achieve something great, my independence.  I had to realize at some point that my prior life is gone, my independent one, it’s time to create a new one.  I often use prayer as guidance, however I know that I have a lot of self work to do.

Depression and anxiety are like flip sides of the same coin, says therapist Nancy B. Irwin, PsyD. “Being depressed often makes us anxious, and anxiety often makes us depressed. “From <http://www.webmd.com/depression/features/anxiety-depression-mix&gt;

coffee cup of the week 3

I have never wanted to admit that I have a mental illness, some of the things I have experienced in my childhood, often became my drive to be successful.  Now, I am learning more to relax, unplug from devices, and start to enjoy life again.  I wish I could relax even more, well, I have to take more time out to just relax.  I find doing this to bring some support and care is what I love about all the connections, we are all checking up on each other.  It’s not easy living with a Mesh Implant, plus all the underlining side effects, pain is really hard to manage and I believe that once this was done, I faced an uphill battle, so now relax.

I added to the header The teapot and coffee cups of the week, come back every Monday for new ones.  I love how different and unique they are.  Don’t forget Meme of the week coming soon and a new video upload on our YouTube channel.  God bless all the Mesh warriors.

M. Hedgcoth co founder of westcoastmeshfighter and #tvmwarriorandsurvivorlaptopearphonescoffee

Hello everyone and Welcome to Afterthoughts, Stuck between two worlds living with Transvaginal Mesh.


I haven’t been feeling so good lately and I am very fatigued and having flu like symptoms, so tomorrow calling Doc, then I can find out if I have yet another infection.  I wanted to try & talk tonight about my battle with depression, anxiety, and developed social anxiety disorder in the process.

I would like to say that I am not a doctor, physiatrist, or medical professional.  If yoou are experiencing any severe side effects, please have your doctor check, even it it’s nothing, because noone really knows how to fix us all, we are being faced with hard choices and any information I share on here is based my ongoing journey living with a Transvaginal Mesh Implant.  I am a mesh implant warrior and survivor.  I will never be the same as I was before but after 3 years I no longer will allow this disability to run me, and I really am having fun doing this.  I am really knew to this, and .

I have noticed that finding anything to do with mesh implants is really owed to the newspapers, supporting media outlets, medical mesh news desk, the Mayo Clinic, and Drug Watch just to name a few.  Thank you for providing us with valuable information regarding things that are happing world wide.  I know there are a lot more and I wanted to personally thank you all for trying to help the mesh family, as we continue to try and get these mesh devices off the market.

I know there are a lot of people fighting backand rest, But what is social anxiety disorder?  How I finally recognized the signs after a lot of repeating mistakes, I am slowly getting a handle on this, but it’s a daily struggle..


When I was a young girl I was teased, ridiculed, embarrassed , I had to deal with it and the students never got reprehended,, and they all got me a few times, people in general, some of them there were brutal and cruel.  I actually went back into my past and I was a worrier, I always have been.  I would call what they did to us, excessive.

The evolution of my Social Anxiety disorder.

I truly didn’t know that when the heart starts racing, then to hard time breathing and sometimes felt enormous hurting in my pelvic area, I reported what happened, I  it was the PD c  I didn’t know how much the feeling, ( anxious) would affect mew.  I was having my first panic attack probably in my young adult life , then migrated for a long while and now I have taken a less agressssand I was dealing with so many things. I felt helpless to the life I am ready to leave behind.   I have a really hard time in crowds, going to the grocery store and I really just stay at my home and do I will try to finish this up during the week.

Thank you so much for stopping by and please coment like or any questions, u can email at


To be cont…..

M.Hedgcoth co founder of Westcoastmeshfighter

All rights reserved http://www.westcoastmeshfighter.wordpress.com,

Thank you for all your support and keep it going.. Thank you. part two of my intestions


Hello and Good Evening/Morning and Welcome to Afterthoughts, West Coast Mesh Fighter. 

After a long week, I am happy to blog and talk about this heat wave we are having here in California.  It is ridiculous hot and staying in a temperature controlled room is imperative now because when I get too hot or too cold, everything seems to hurt more???   It’s now been three years since I have been able to go the beach (2hr) drive from here.  The Beach is my favorite place to relax and unwind.  I am not sure about everyone else, but my pain levels are really high and I almost had to go to the hospital a couple of nights this week, but thank you God, I am home. I really love the summer time because it’s so calming and relaxing that I can really get into dealing with my Chronic Pain.  Once I figured out how my body adapts to weather changes, I really had to make major changes.


Hard Steps, but I work on this everyday.  It’s really easy to get into a mood where my pain and emotional state end up running me and it should be the other way around.  I spent almost 3 years in a deep depression.  I cut off all family and limited my contacts with friends, because I can’t do a lot of things the way I used to anymore, also it was assumed that I was addicted to drugs either prescription or recreational drugs (which I have never had an addiction problem) and that I was somehow making it all up to avoid working.  I have worked from the time I was 15 1/2yrs old and I actually am irritated because I can no longer work.  One thing I have come to realize is that having a mesh implant it has given me more patience and forgiveness for myself.

I was trusting my gut instinct and because I didn’t really know what was happening to me then,  I knew I couldn’t really explain to my family and friends exactly what was going on and that alone was a lot of anxiety and stress.  I feel really disconnected from my prior life as I knew it, now.  I did a lot of crying and a lot of soul searching, praying to God for guidance, then I knew what I needed to do.  Having a Transvaginal Mesh Implant has caused a lot of side effects.  My auto immune condition, fibromyalgia went from being manageable to completely out of control

Foods to avoid this summer and Foods to love

Anything that can cause Gas pains:

  1. Broccoli, beans, cheese, dairy, whole grains, Brussels sprouts, broccoli, cabbage, asparagus, and cauliflower are known to cause gas.  I definitely would talk to my doctor or nutritionist about what foods you should illuminate.
  2. Fruits such as apples, peaches, pears, and prunes contain the natural sugar alcohol, sorbitol, which the body has trouble digesting. Many fruits also have soluble fiber, which is a type of fiber that dissolves in water. Sorbitol and soluble fiber must both also pass through the large intestines, where bacteria break them down to create hydrogen, carbon dioxide, and methane gas.  I was really taken back because prunes help pass things along.
  3. Sodas and other carbonated drinks can add significantly to the amount of air you swallow. When air gets into your digestive tract, it has to pass through somehow. This causes burping and may also increase how much gas you pass. Swapping soda for juice, tea, or water (with no carbonation) may help you reduce gas.
  4. Processed foods are packaged goods, such as breads, snack foods, cereal, and salad dressing. These contain a variety of ingredients, including fructose and lactose. This combination can lead to increased gas.

Summer time includes so many things, flip flop weather, and having family bbq’s to water/theme parks and having to watch what I eat is tough, but for my digestion system I am willing to make the sacrifice’s.  I love salads with fresh vegetables and organic dressings nothing too heavy.  Watermelon, oranges, grapes… I have it on a schedule where I can eat some things and take it easy like every other day, but it varies.


We digest food differently so it’s really a process of trial and error to see what food affect you and how they affect you.  I changed my milk products to Lactaid and most Coffee Creamers are being made where these ingredients are not in them anymore.  Finances have really played a role in all of these things that I do to make life a bit easier.  I am looking forward to a trip to the beach soon.  Most of my pain comes from the rectal side, I get inflammation in my Colon, the pain is unreal when it acts up which is everyday.

A new video will be coming soon, it is a new project I am working on continuing it and It’s a lot of fun to do.  If there are any questions, or comments, please ask away.  I will always do my best to either get answers or investigate further.

I will definitely be blogging on Sunday’s and Smalltalk, Manic Mondays and with all the stress that comes with battling this complicated condition, there is room for some happy.  Without happiness, misery will surely take over.  We are here and it’s ok to live our life’s as best as we can.  Good is good enough and forgiveness within my self helps me to walk through this journey with purpose.  Thank you all for reading tonight and I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

Yes it’s time for Meme of the Week.   I did two this week.  I hope you like them.  If you have any suggestions on mesh meme’s please comment with your ideas. 

Ref:  free images, meme creator,



M. Hedgcoth, co founder of WCMF.  Transvaginal Mesh Warrior and Survivor. God bless you.  Dedicated to John Aguilar, Rest In Peace Cousin, you will be missed everyday.  I love you. 

john john final.John John Aguilar…jjnoahashlee




Hello & Good Evening/Morning to everyone.  I know I said I would blog tonight, so since I am running behind on time, I will keep this blog post relatively short.  I woke up a few months ago with this idea, to connect with other people who are experiencing what I am going through. Where I am able to be able to share my stories with other Mesh Warriors and I have connections with many patients around the world.  I haven’t been feeling too well lately, however one thing I can tell you is:  Living with TVM has taught me a lot about sacrifice, not sweating the small stuff and just relax,  .

I have learned to have self respect, but nothing could have prepared me for this.  Having a mesh implant has destroyed my previous  life.  I sit in pain from the moment I wake up until I can fall asleep.  Now I am learning to enjoy life a little bit more.  Although I just lost my cousin, whom I love so much, I know he still would have tried to fulfill what he says.  Since I am all in knots, I think a late night cup of tea… chamomile and vanilla chai, it’s so awesome to be able to do this.

you can do it coffee cups

Having people I admire has  really helped me.  It’s encouraged me to let go of the negative, while holding onto the positive energy and I lost who I was for a time, but now it’s time to find me again and what makes me happy with purpose and encouragement again and started living again.  I know it will always  be a work in progress however I have faith, courage, and ambition.  Thank you for stopping by,  I love you all and I hope you can relax a little and just enjoy the moments.

Until next time.. please comment like and share down below and let me know what you think.

I am on YouTube (I am also not too familiar with it, but so far it’s great).  Now, you should be able to find me with the title westcoastmeshfighter. Thank you all and God Bless you…


images1020JTSAfeel better soon14433104_10207240244267781_8579837075783143954_n

P..S. I am going to take really warm shower tonight.  Tip:  I plug up the bathtub and let the water go to maybe a foot and add lavender bath salts, with the really warm water, it turns the boring shower into a relaxing steam room, and your feet get to enjoy the pampering.  I also play really slow type music.  I don’t have a one artist, I love all different kinds of music, however I keep it relaxing.  Living with Chronic pain is unlivable at most times and I have to learn how to relax more….

tiffany blue clawfoot tub


Fun Photo Effect 20170529 33cc3ff276ef4bf302e4c5f68d1ed1ce694e7671

Hello and Welcome

to Sundays and Small Talk!

A special thank u for all of you who follow my blog and social media platforms.  It means so much to me and my goal and purpose is to Advocate for patient care, help for families and friends who may be struggling caring for a mesh patient and I am doing humanitarian efforts and support to helping with resources here in my area.

Afterthoughts Special Series Blog Picture

A special reminder:  I would like feature inspirational stories from patients who are battling and dealing with the side effects of have a Mesh Implant.  It is affecting each of us differently and reading these are inspiring and deserve to be recognized.  If you would like your story, or a story of your loved one featured, email at westcoastmeshfighter@gmail.com.  Thank you so much.  #wearestrongertogether

I am still doing an investigation into programs here in my county.  It’s been really difficult to get help because we are not completely homeless. 

This sets us up for even more challenges such as:

  • Housing/either being a home owner or renter
  • Elect/Gas
  • Water, California is still in a drought in a lot of places statewide, water in our place is expensive

Phone service: free under Obama phone program, Food, we get an amount per month, and there are some food banks here in Stockton, however right now we don’t have a vehicle available to go to these places.  Cable isn’t a necessity, but we have free antenna access for the basic channels.  One of the programs I have found is that we can get a portion of our PG&E bill paid through a program with PG&E, but that also involves needing a vehicle and going to a few different places to get all the paper work or trying to get a ride to get it all done, everything is a paper process of papers.  If you Dial 211 in our county m-f during normal business hours, you can call a representative from our county programs and they can go over options with you.

my dream car... Bentley GTC V8

Dream Car:  This is a Bentley GTC V8, #agirlcandream

I am realizing more and more each day that there is nothing I can do about the mesh left inside me right now, so I am trying to keep an upbeat attitude, this doesn’t always work but when it does, it helps me pass the time while having a little fun.  I know it’s a dream car but hey “Can’t a girl dream?”.

I still can’t understand it all, it’s a very confusing feeling to not be able to deal with Chronic Pain or be able to just make it through a day getting something done. This leads into my next topic I wanted to highlight on… I am going to say the “F” word, not the one I hear to much of, its the one that affects us everyday, where we live, how we eat, the kind of clothes we wear, what schools our kids go to, what we can do for our kids, etc…

AFTERTHOUGHT INSERT…… I had a benefit through my employer called “LONG TERM DISABILITY” or LTD.  It’s a very complicated process where the LTD insurance company needs doctor documents every 6 months, (hard to do when you are dealing with random doctors at the county clinic), then you have your county wanting doctor documents.  Well, somehow LTD insurance company had a really hard time communicating with the records department at the county hospital that they discontinued my benefit.  This is where I messed up, I didn’t appeal.  I had a chance for the 6 months following to extend my benefit and because they canceled my claim, (knowing I’m disabled), I was pretty much forced to apply for California State Benefits, (also known as welfare).  I literally went from having it all from barely surviving and it feels like hell as I watch my former life disappear and now I am where I am at in my life.  Destroyed….

It’s Finances, how are we living?  How has having a Mesh Implant impacted our lives regarding money.. (in a future blog I will get more into specific on personal stories of how I had a stable life that I worked hard for, then I watched it all fall apart, all because of this medical device and I was easily able to go out to dinner with my family if I wanted to),  it’s over a almost 10 year journey so I cannot tell you everything right now), it will become clearer as we go along.

So first I want to point out that I was starting to write this blog, I didn’t intend to discuss finances because it definitely is a sensitive subject to most of us I am sure.  I see nothing but Lawyer AD’s and support groups (which I love), it’s hard not to talk about it though, I personally had a great career, my own car, money.  I have close to 20 years of call center experience as a supervisor in customer service and also working large contracts working as a recovery specialist at a major company.

I went to college and graduated now having two degree’s.  I started working at 15 1/2years old and continued to work up until this Transvaginal Mesh Implant started to cause such devastating side effects and the pain is real.  I hurt all the time and can’t seem to find anything to help it unless I seek out care at an Emergency Room at a hospital and/or wait to see my regular doctor, which is becoming hard due to wait times it can take up to 6 weeks to get in, resting mostly at home so I don’t hurt myself.

So I get up and walk about the house, or take Romeo on a little walk, but my pain levels have been really high the last couple of weeks, making it such a challenge.

Onto what I would like to share with you regarding finances… what to expect if this happens to you.  I know laws different State to State, so this is for the county of San Joaquin.

What we can expect….

What happens when you no longer can work and you have to wait on the Social Security Department to process your request.  I asked myself what could I do to help support my family while I am waiting?  I was on state disability for a little over a year and once that ran out, then I could apply for Social Security Disability, then you have to wait to get denied (I was told a large percentage always gets denied first), then I filed my appeal and retained counsel.  It took another year and a few months to get a court date.  I have been to court and  I am still waiting but in the mean time, I had no choice, I had to apply for our State Assistance program.  I swore to myself that I would never do this unless I had no other choices available.  The guilt that comes with this is so overwhelming, I still am having a hard time coping with it.  That this mesh stole my future, my kid’s future, it’s really devastating.

Unfortunately, there isn’t a way to speed up the process and it feels like I am in a long state of limbo while I am waiting for their answer by mail or a call from my Attorney.  My attorney went over testimony from doctors, including my history of my TVM nightmare, 3 medical insurance companies, everything which is a lot to go through and says it looks good but of course there is never a  guarantee.  For someone who suffers anxiety and depression from it doesn’t help.


The funds our family receives doesn’t even cover basic needs like the items listed above. then what about toiletries items and things that are not covered by the Cal Fresh program.  We have somehow made it this far, we pray everyday for a miracle.  In my family I was the primary income, so when this happened, life really hit us hard.  One positive that has come from all of this, is that with sacrifice comes humbling.  You don’t realize what you have to live without, until you can’t have it anymore.  Life’s little pleasures, like just being able to drive.  Annual Tags with vehicle, it just seems to never end and there was no way I could do anything about it.  So I am not sure where the lesson is other than, I used to have it all, and just like that, I lost it all.

Now I want to help patients who are struggling like me, that it’s not the worst thing what we are facing and to be humbled, caring, and humane to everyone I meet.  See I used to live a completely different life.  Things have really changed. It shows that one decision changed how my family is living… the paper to appeal with the LTD insurance company.  Had I done it, or knew how to do it, my income could very well be manageable.  Where I had our family covered until my Permanent disability went through.  I discovered this benefit in a Package sent to me within a few days of my resignation with my company.

Life has a funny way of doing this,  (not really funny), it’s so frustrating…so I am going to try to dance in the rain and enjoy the roller coaster, even when I feel like giving up.  Although this is a scary journey, unknown what the rest this mesh will do to me, I know that everything will somehow work out, not sure how, but I believe it will.

Thank you for reading and have a wonderful Sunday evening.

M. Hedgcoth, co founder of westcoastmeshfighter, #wearestrongertogether, #tvmwarriorandsurvivor, #westcoastmeshfighter


Hello and Good Evening/Morning to everyone and thank you for stopping by and reading tonight.  I wanted to talk about sensitivity and trying to cope in the world we live in.  We all know what is happening worldwide.  I have seen a lot in my 41 years however it seems like with everyday that goes by something worse than the day before happens.  Humanity is really so important, caring for others and giving us the right to be who we are has definitely become a huge issue.  I know what it is having a disability people cannot see and how challenging it is to live with it, but I still have fight in me so bringing awareness regarding Depression and Anxiety is a key in helping patients to feel supported.  I have my TVM, ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, Dyslexia, OCD, Fibromyalgia and I am a nervous wreck (diagnoised in 07, before my tvm surgery), and now I am a big mess, but working on it.


I never thought I would be disabled at my age, but I am.  Living with TVM has my defensive and sensitive triggers going off in different directions all the time and I have to stop and remember that we are all made up differently and what it seems to one person, may not seem so to another.  I have experienced being bullied, lied to, attacked emotionally, not believed, and so on… (another future blog I will get into real stories that I experienced as a child), but what I want to say is to please remember that we all have feelings and most importantly we are all not perfect.  Be kind to each other and we all don’t know what each of us are dealing with on a day to day basis , but I am grateful that I know I am not alone.  Thank you Mesh Warriors and Angels.


This week I was reminded of just how precious time is because one of my closest family members is really sick and is getting ready to go meet God, anytime now, he is in hospice with a lot of our family around him, he is comfortable.  It’s been such a rough week emotionally and it has made me a bit more sensitive than normal, which for me I am already really sensitive.  I grew up with my cousins being more like siblings, so this is really hitting me hard.  He is the oldest of 10 of us and I really looked up to him.  He went to UOP to be a teacher.  He is one of the smartest people I know and did so much volunteer work on his off time, from fundraising to coaching sports teams.  Father of two beautiful children and I am sorry I am feeling really numb right now and I want to say I saw this coming but I didn’t, and it doesn’t make it any easier to cope with.

By nature I am already a very sensitive person and it took a long time to be brave enough to go public with my story.  I have found there isn’t a lot online regarding Social Anxiety Disorder but because it goes hand in hand with depression and chronic pain I want to discover more about this disorder and the coping support.  My cousin John John battled everyday with his own things but was always volunteering, or working and still continued to show us that no matter what we can overcome and rise above the obstacles.

I know we all deal with our issues separately, however one thing I learned is no matter we are facing we can still make a difference in someone’s life, he did.  Below is a photo of me and him, it was at my cousin’s (his sister) 70’s & 80’s family birthday party a few years ago, he was Michael Jackson and was our DJ.   My cousin was the type of person to celebrate life and with that I want to wish everyone a safe and wonderful weekend.  Be good to each other and Sunday’s and small talk will be back tomorrow night.  Life is too short, tell your loved ones how much they mean to you, you may never know when it will be the last time you see them again. 


 I love you John John (Johnny Aguilar), so much….. ok where is my tissue box.

God bless you all and thank you for coming by!!!  Mrs. M. Hedgcoth, #westcoastmeshfighter, #tvmwarriorandsurvivor

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